Week One recaps
Since I didn't get around to posting my notes for the first show before the second one came on, I thought I'd go ahead and combine them into one thread. *** First City: Minneapolis, Minnesota The singer Jewel was a guest judge on the panel with Randy, Paula, and Simon. Jessica Rhode Contestant #33934 Blonde makeup artist Made the mistake of singing a Jewel song with Jewel on the judge's panel. That always backfires. If the contestant does as well or better than the original artist, they're bound to feel jealous but usually they do worse than the original artist and that's an insult to the artist to hear their song destroyed by a talentless singer. Rejected. Troy Benham Contestant #31336 An Amish dude, he doesn't watch American idol and isn't a big fan of the show. I wasn't familiar with the song he sang. Rejected. Jesse Holloway Contestant #29531 Walked out in the middle of his audition to get a drink of water because he claimed his voice was bad since his throat was dry. It didn't help. Rejected. Charles Monroe aka "Monroe Moody" Contestant #29212 Dressed as Apollo Creed, like a boxer in a red, white and blue robe. Sang Italian opera. I thought he had a good voice but the judges said no. I think he was too out there for them. Rejected. Denise Jackson Contestant #33405 The crack baby. Sang "And I Am Telling You" by Jennifer Holiday. Had an impressive vocal range. Accepted, going to Hollywood! Tashawn Moore Contestant #31524 A girl wearing a tie. She was trying to sing "Kiss" by Prince but didn't know the words. It was painful watching her performance. Rejected. BTW, they need to have a sign on the exit door. It seems like just about every contestant pushes on the wrong door and the judges have to tell them to use the other door. Perla Andrea Meneses Contestant #31572 Sang "Call Me" by Blondie. Randy had her sing a bit of "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira. Accepted, going to Hollywood! Matthew Volna Contestant #25958 Another one that I didn't take many notes on. He was wearing a cowboy hat. Rejected. Kah'Reem Copeland Contestant #27265 Sang "Suddenly" by Billy Ocean. Rejected. Jarrod Fowler Contestant #33632 In the US navy, won a local Idol ripoff, "Reagon Idol" (named after the boat he's on). Sang Rascal Flats "Bless the Broken Road". Accepted, going to Hollywood! Rakel Garcia Contestant #27619 Sang "Fever" Rejected. Trista Giese Contestant #27336 Brought some kind of poster in with her. I didn't see what was on it. She offered to leave it for the judges but Simon told her to take it with her. Sang the song the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz sang "King of the Forest". Very weird. And awful. Rejected. Stephen Horst Contestant #29017 A vocal coach Sang "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" Randy really tore into him and said he shouldn't be singing and shouldn't be teaching others to sing. Simon got a kick out of watching Randy on the attack for a change and asked Randy if he had had a bad experience with a vocal coach. lol Rejected. Michelle Steingas Bennis Contestant #33020 Sang "If This is Love". Accepted, going to Hollywood! Dayna Dooley Contestant #35413 Her boss (she's his secretary) flew her and her sister to this audition when she was turned down at a local audition. The judges seemed to think there was some hanky panky going on there, like maybe the girl was in love with her boss. They were more interested in that then the girl's singing. lol Sang "Tell Me Something Good" by Chaka Khan. Rejected. Matt Sato Contestant #25077 Sang "California Dreamin'" by the Mamas and the Papas. Accepted, going to Hollywood! Rachel Jenkins Contestant #33062 Works for her parents' body shop. Her husband is in Iraq, she joined the army reserve. Sang "His Eyes on a Sparrow". Accepted, going to Hollywood! Sarah Krueger Contestant #35590 Sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Accepted, going to Hollywood! Jason Anderson Contestant #31233 For some reason he decided to juggle while singing then got offended when the judges told him he should stick to juggling. lol Rejected. Brenna Kyner Contestant #33052 Sang "Under Pressure". In my notes I put that she was scary. I can't remember why I said that. lol Rejected. Josh Flom Contestant #27186 Rocker. Sang "Bad Day" by Fuel. The judges asked if he could sing another song in a different style, with less gravel in his voice. He was given 15 minutes to prepare an Abba song for the judges. He sang "Dancing Queen" but still with the rough voice. Rejected. *** Second City: Seattle, Washington Jewel is not on the judges' panel this time. Brandon Groves Contestant #77718 Another red, white and blue outfit. Dressed as Uncle Sam. Sang "God Bless America". Last season he sang "I Shot the Sheriff" and was shot down. Rejected. Jennifer Chapton aka "The Hotness" Contestant #81526 Her nickname may be the hotness but she doesn't look it. Sang "I Want Your Love". Rejected. Amy Salgado Contestant #81347 Sang a Christine Aguilera song. Blamed her bad voice on having a cold but the judges weren't buying it. Rejected. Darwin "Mischa" Reedy Contestant #80231 Ewww. Not wearing a bra, her saggy boobs were hanging near her waist. She had nappy blonde hair, glasses, red lipstick that emphasized her awful teeth. Her mother was there and looked just like her with longer, dark hair. Sang "Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls. Rejected. Tommy Daniels Contestant #81045 Gas attendant, wore trashy clothes with holes worn in them. This was his third audition for American Idol. Sang "Arms of a Woman" by Amos Lee. He had his dog (a chihuahua) and his family waiting outside the audition room. Accepted, going to Hollywood! Melissa "Carleen" Stauros Contestant #79236 Another person that had her dog with her. Her's was a pomerianian named Teeka. She was doing fine in her audition until she butchered the high notes of her song. Rejected. Blake Lewis Contestant #77804 Local beatbox champion. He did some beatboxing at Randy's request plus some singing. The judges liked his beatbox better than his singing but I thought he was good. Accepted, going to Hollywood! David Mills Sang "Lean on Me". Rejected. Shyamali and Sanjaya Malakar Contestant #80202 Contestant #80203 Sister and brother who auditioned separately. The judges said Shymali had better stage presence but Sanjaya was the better singer. Their dad is from India and was there with them. Both accepted, going to Hollywood! Nicholas Zitzman Contestant #78045 Ugly, nerdy dude with big lips, big eyes, bad teeth. He had a deer in the headlights look. Sang "Unchained Melody", Simon's favorite song. I noticed the guy closes his eyes when he thinks. Rejected. Rudy Cardenas Contestant #59576 Originally from Venezuala, he's already in a band. Sang "Open Arms" by Journey, Randy's favorite song (according to Paula). Accepted, going to Hollywood! Kenneth Briggs Contestant #76288 Made friends with another contestant in line, Jonathan Jayne. sang "Tearing Up My Heart" by N Sync. He was a short little dude with bugged-out eyes. He reminded me of Igor or Eddie Munster but Simon said he reminded him of a bush baby, the little animals in the forest with big eyes. I was ROFL when he said that. Bwahahaha! So true!! Rejected. Jonathan Jayne Contestant #77751 Sang "God Bless America". When I went to the American Idol auditions in my area, at one point the contestants were given one of four patriotic songs to sing. I have to wonder if that's why so many contestants in Minneapolis and Seattle sang "God Bless America" for the judges. Rejected. Eric Chapman Contestant #80450 Hairstylist by profession. Taylor Hicks look-alike. Sang "Drift Away" by Dobie Gray. He was going to put something in Simon's hair after his audition but was escorted out by security. ROFL. He claimed he was just going to style Simon's hair. Yeah, right. Rejected. Anna Kearns Contestant #78163 A tall waitress (6'7'' in heels, 6'4'' without), was in the air force. Sang "Respect" by Aretha Franklin. Simon nitpicking her performance (said she was too loud, for one thing) and Paula and Randy were growling like dogs at him. They obviously didn't agree with what he said. He told them after she left that they had just put through a giraffe. So what if the giraffe can sing?! Accepted, going to Hollywood! Jordin Sparks Contestant #80066 16 years old, her dad was in the NFL, with the Giants. I missed his name. Sang "Because You Loved Me" by Celine Dion. Accepted! Steven Thoen aka "Red" Contestant #76846 Compared himself to Freddy Mercury. Sang "Bohemian Rhapsody". Truly a bad peformance, the judges were dying laughing during it. Rejected. Next week: Memphis, Tennessee

American Idol 6, January 16: California Dreaming by Betsy Wasser -- 01/17/2007 American Idol is back! 10,000 people show up for the auditions in Minneapolis, all of them dreaming of a chance to move forward to Hollywood. How many will make it, and how many are just dreaming? Just a few months ago, Taylor Hicks was crowned the fifth American Idol. Idol is a phenomenon, discovering amazing talents. Kelly Clarkson has won Grammies. Jennifer Hudson just won a Golden Globe and is surrounded by Oscar buzz. Carrie Underwood won a CMA (with Anthony Federov as her date, by the way). Chris Daughtry had a monster hit. Over 100 #1 CD’s have resulted from American Idol. And now, it’s time to start again. Idol traveled to seven cities and saw huge crowds of contestants. Simon, Randy, and Paula are back, ready to find the best. It’s time for the triumph… and the disappointment. We see cheers and tears, as well as a good measure of swearing. Who will America fall in love with? Who will be the next American Idol? Probably not the girl we see now wearing a cowboy hat and moaning. Just a guess. 40 million people watched Prince perform at the last finale, so Idol is beginning in Prince’s hometown of Minneapolis. 10,000 people arrived to audition. The crowds fill a stadium, singing “1999.” As a crowd, they sound pretty good. How are they on their own? Randy, Paula, and Simon arrive, along with guest judge Jewel. We get a quick introduction to Jewel, who has sold more than 20 million albums in the United States. Contestant Jessica works at Mall of America as a makeup artist. She does professional makeovers and loves making people look beautiful. She’s cute, with a squeaky voice and very cool glasses. She says she wants to inspire people, like her favorite artist Jewel. Jessica is overwhelmed at the prospect of singing in front of Jewel. She tearfully talks about what an amazing opportunity this is. Man, I hope she doesn’t suck. She says that Jewel is her idol. Simon notices she’s a bit emotional. Jessica says she doesn’t want to be Jewel, but she inspires her. Simon asks if Jewel inspired her look today. Jessica smiles nervously, takes a breath and begins to sing. She’s doing “You Were Meant For Me” by Jewel and is singing horribly through her nose. It is not good. Too bad, because she seems like a sweet girl. Simon stops her and jokes that it’s like listening to the record. Jewel doesn’t want to say anything. Paula kindly says that Jessica sounds like herself, leaving unsaid that this is not a good thing. They agree that she made the song her own, but they all say no. Jewel is nice and tells her that she needs work. Jessica begs for feedback. Simon says it would take an hour to tell her what she needs to do. “It’s not good,” Randy says. Simon says he doesn’t want to patronize her, but singing is not right for her. Jessica crouches down on the floor and tries to pull herself together. Randy says she might be great at other things. Simon suggests that she move on and do something else. She leaves the room and gets hugs from her mom and dad. She says that they told her she’s not a good singer. She can’t believe this is happening. “I guess that’s it,” she says. Jessica says she gave it her all, but it’s time to go. She vows to keep trying. Net up is Troy, who describes his look as “Urban Amish.” He has a strange scraggly beard, which provides a… unique contrast to his purple suit. Urban Amish is certainly appropriate. He’s never seen American Idol because he doesn’t have a TV. He says that he doesn’t have any plan or expectations and is going to be spontaneous. Ryan questions the wisdom of that plan. The lyrics of his song suggest that you can be cruel if you need to be, which is less invitation than Simon usually needs. Randy shakes his head and Paula looks ill. Jewel can’t even look at him. Troy admits he’s never seen the show. He says he never said he was the next American Idol. He’d have that right. A girl sings a flat rendition of “Jesus Take the Wheel” by Carrie Underwood. Next, a blonde screeches through “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” which should in no way make Katharine McPhee nervous. A longhaired guy is not the next Constantine. All our past favorites should not feel threatened by this crowd. Jessie Holloway is next. He says he has a passion for music and a unique vocal range. Music is in his heart. He says that he is unique because he can hit notes that Mariah Carey cannot. I don’t think I’m being too bold in predicting that this isn’t going to be good. Sure enough, Jessie has a very breathy voice as he delves into “My Heart Will Go On.” It’s flat and really terrible. He stops and says he’s nervous and needs a drink of water. Randy chuckles and expresses incredulity at his leaving in the middle of an audition. Simon would like to leave it at that. He then returns. Wouldn’t it be awesome if he were now really great? Well, it’s not happening. Paula rubs her temples as if she’s hoping that she’ll be able to develop mental powers to make it stop. Simon asks why he bothered to come back, as there was no difference. Both auditions were excruciating, and no, he would not like to hear another song. Jessie suggests Michael Jackson. It’s a different kind of screechy, and that’s the best I can say about it. Simon says he’s like a two-year old who can’t sing. I do think my two-year old’s rendition of “Five Monkeys Jumping On the Bed” is more pleasant, despite the fact that the only words he knows are “monkeys,” “Mama,” and “No more.” Simon tells him absolutely never. The other judges agree. Jessie leaves, then says that Simon isn’t the one singing, Randy is laughing and needs to “wipe off the damned makeup,” and wonders when the last time it is that Paula made a record. The judges, according to Jessie, don’t know what they’re talking about. Next up is Charles Moody, who is dressed as Apollo Creed, complete with stars and stripes robe and boxing gloves. He says he’s going to knock out the competition. Charles comes bobbing and dancing into the room, saying he will sing an aria in Italian. He dedicates his song to his nephews and nieces who are in foster care. It is not as bad as you’d expect. Jewel smiles and says that the song is kicking his butt. He switches to a different song. Simon says he doesn’t know what he’s doing on the show anymore if he’s taking someone like this seriously. It’s not normal to see someone singing opera dressed as Apollo Creed. The judges give him a no. He might have had more of a chance if he’d worn regular clothes. Denise Jackson is 16, and says her mom struggles with drug addiction and that she was born a crack baby. Her grandmother rescued her from foster care, and she is grateful to have grown up healthy and with a gift of singing. Again, I really hope that’s true. She’s wearing sunglasses and says she’ll bat her beautiful eyes at the judges. Denise struts into the room and gives them a big smile. She will sing Jennifer Holliday, which the judges agree is a tough order to fill. The girl has a big, big voice and is passionate. She has real potential. It’s also nice to see someone who is actually good. Paula says she’s powerful and adorable. Simon says she did everything right. She came in and belted it out. She’s “a very good singer, potentially.” Randy gives her a big yes, and Jewel agrees. Simon gives her a wink and says she’s going to Hollywood. Denise gets big hugs from her family, but tries to play it cool. Now it’s time to learn about the dangers of forgetting your lyrics and “really screwing up.” Tashawn Moore arrives, wearing a tie and not making a lot of sense. She sings “Kiss.” At least, she tries to. She gets two lines out, pauses, then can’t continue. She admits she’s nervous, and tries to start again. It’s painful to watch her trying to remember what she was doing. There’s a lot of finger snapping and looking uncomfortable, both on her part and on the part of the judges. Every once in a while, she gets a lyric out, and she at least continues to dance. Simon looks bored. I can’t believe they’re letting her go on for so long. Surprisingly, at the end, she looks rather confident. The judges give a unanimous no. She apologizes and takes off. The next contestant, Perla, asks Ryan if he has a girlfriend and if he likes Spanish girls. She’s from Columbia and lives in Florida. She has been homeless in the past, but says she doesn’t have a sob story, but rather a survival story. She’s really pretty and has great hair. She thinks Simon will love her. She sings “Call Me” by Blondie. It’s not bad, but it’s not that great, either. Sounds like one of the best performances in an average karaoke night. Randy has her sing some Shakira, and it’s good. It sounds better, and she’s completely charming. Randy likes her attitude. Jewel thinks she’s cute and perky, but her singing is in the middle. The second song was better and more what she should be doing. Paula agrees. Perla says she didn’t want to be compared to Shakira. Simon says that her accent makes song choices difficult. She’s through to the next round. Simon calls her “great fun.” Ryan reports that women are leading in the race for golden tickets. Matt, sporting a cowboy hat, might just be the one to reverse the trend. He says he loves Johnny Cash and plans to be himself and be comfortable. He says he has pizzazz and will use that to the best extent. What follows is a bad imitation of Johnny Cash doing “Folsom Prison Blues.” It’s rough, not to mention disconcerting to see this mild-mannered guy growling out Johnny Cash. I mean, this guy never shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Jewel jokes that he should sing lower and wonders if he’s serious. Matt assures her that he is. Randy asks if he bought the cowboy outfit yesterday and says he didn’t get it at all. Simon says it was “pointless.” He is dismissed. Matt says Simon was a big jerk and didn’t even look at him. We see several more guys who are no good, including one who makes strange sound effects. The next guy is named Jerrod and he’s in the United States Navy. We see him on his ship, the U.S. Ronald Reagan. The crew actually did a “Reagan Idol,” and he won. He sings “Bless the Broken Road.” He sounds good, but Simon doesn’t look impressed. Oh, but I’m wrong – Simon likes him. Paula says yes, as does Jewel. She says he should watch the pitchiness, though. Randy agrees and tells him to not do so many turns as he sings. Still, he’s through. He says it’s for all of the other sailors. Ryan gives us an update. It’s 2:00, and things are not going well. A girl named Rakel flatly sings “Fever.” Simon calls it “juvenile,” and Randy says he’s in a bad news. Next up is a girl named Trista who does an imitation of the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz. She then sings “King of the Forest” from the same movie. It’s funny, and it got her on TV, so hopefully she didn’t expect anything else from it. Simon wonders what he’s supposed to say. Trista says that he is unique, which is certainly true. They tell her no, then decline her offer of the poster she made. Stephen, a vocal teacher, is up next. He says he advises his students to live in the moment and tell a story. He’ll sing “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” and pulls out a pitch pipe. There’s a whole lot of shouting involved, then a truly painful high note. It wasn’t so bad before he tried to do that. It’s sad, though, because you can tell he really thinks he did well. Simon jokes that they’ve heard many of his pupils today. Stephen says he once performed the song at Disney World. Randy thinks it’d be okay for that, as no one would really be paying attention. Paula says there was too much vibrato. Randy agrees and says he should control that. Jewel thinks it sounds more like musical theater. Stephen begs for another chance. Randy then takes the gloves off and says he shouldn’t be a vocal teacher and that he was awful. “How dare you,” Simon says, baiting him. Randy says he didn’t like anything about it. In an audition, you only get one shot. Stephen thinks they’re using it against him that he’s a vocal teacher. Simon says he’s amazed at “Randy’s rudeness and audacity.” Simon says it’s a no, “but I wasn’t going to get personal about it.” Randy says he’d be great off Broadway, and the other judges scoff at that. Simon asks Randy if he was abused by a vocal coach in another life. You can tell he loves not being the bad guy for once. Michelle, a cute young blonde, trips into the audition room. She does some fun country pop. Jewel likes it, as does Randy. Simon thinks it was an odd song choice, but he likes her. She’s confident but not “irritatingly precocious.” Paula says yes, too, and she’s in. Michelle is excited and plans to quit her job. We then see a montage of people who just lost their jobs, quit, and so on. Next up is Dayna, who was rejected at a previous audition. Her boss flew her and her sister to the auditions so she could get another shot. Dayna arrives, looking pretty in a short white dress. Dayna says that her boss believes in her, though Simon is skeptical about it. The men joke about the “special relationship” she must have with her boss. She sings Chaka Khan, and it’s okay until she starts screeching. Simon says she’s been in Minnesota for long enough. Jewel says she wanted it to be good. Simon says she screamed, and Randy adds that it was out of tune. “No way,” says Dayna incredulously. They have Gary, Dayna’s boss, come in. Simon informs him that she cannot sing, and he can’t believe they flew her out. Simon suggests that Gary flirts with her, and Gary says that’s not the case. Randy says she’s tone deaf. She then sings “Fever” and sounds a lot better. Randy says no. Jewel can’t commit, saying it was really rough. Paula says no, as does Simon. They tell Gary he’s a good guy. Paula and Jewel criticize the guys for being thinking it was something lascivious. Simon thinks she’s in love with him. Matt is the next contestant, and he says it’s sad that his parents aren’t there to support him. It’s gotten expensive for him to go to auditions, he explains. He sings “California Dreamin’” with lots and lots of long held notes. He is trying way too hard. I really wonder how he’d be if he just sang it straight. Still, it’s not bad. Simon says he has a very mature voice for 16. Jewel liked his “softer, warmer notes.” Randy liked him, too. The judges all tell him yes. He calls his mom and gives her the news, tearfully saying she’s proud of him. Rachel Jenkins works for a body shop. She grew up working on cars and loves it. Her husband is in Iraq and she worries about him, but knows he’s strong. She is also a member of the United States Army Reserve and is ready to go to Iraq if need be. She says that the judges are “so cute.” Rachel is pretty cute herself. She looks nervous and busts out a bit of Minnesota accent. She’s very good and has the sort of voice that is suited to older music and ballads. Randy smiles as she stops. Simon thinks it fell apart at the end, but he liked her at first. He thinks people would like her. Jewel agrees with Simon. Randy liked the “husky smoky tone” of her voice. Simon says yes, and the other judges quickly agree. She shakes everybody’s hands and tells Simon that she loves him. Jewel jokes that you have to go through boot camp to like Simon. Rachel tells her husband’s picture that she made it and gives him a big kiss. Aww!” Sarah Krueger is up next, and her rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” is really pretty. Simon likes the control of her voice. Jewel likes her too. Randy thinks her voice is refreshing and “way cool.” She’s through. Brenna loves all things Idol, including other countries. She’s thrilled to be on the show. Jason is “a triple threat,” and wants to entertain people. He seems to be twirling some sort of batons. Brenna says she’s the biggest fan. Jason sings tunelessly while he twirls his baton thingies. The good thing about the props is that they somewhat distract from the singing, which is painful. Simon says he “just summed up Minneapolis.” Everything was useless, including the juggling. He then does some more juggling, which is… okay. Randy thinks Jason should be on Simon’s other show, America’s Got Talent. Simon says that his future involves “not singing.” He says he’s a great dancer, so they have him dance his way out. The judges clap politely. Jason swears his way out of the room. He says he’s never been so insulted in his entire life. His mom gives him a big hug and assures him that he will be famous. Ryan wonders if maybe singing isn’t what he should be doing. Brenna comes in next, all smiles. She says she’s that she and Idol are “BFF.” She loves Ace Young, who she’s met a few times. Ace drew her a heart tattoo. She will sing “Under Pressure” and tells Simon that she can win because there’s no one like her. Brenna then proceeds to sing notes that only dogs can hear. Randy can only laugh, and Brenna says Simon does not look pleased. He doesn’t want to hear another song and hated the audition, calling it pointless. He won’t give her a chance “because I just heard you sing.” She’s had ten years of training, and Jewel says that they just took her money. She tries to put a silver lining on it, saying that at least she got to be on her favorite show. They tell her to just leave. Brenna says they won’t find the next Idol there, because they just cut her. It’s time for a montage! Several Idol hopefuls sing Prince’s “Kiss.” It’s a lot of fun to hear how the song would be as performed by the Cowardly Lion or by Shakira. Prince will never be on this show again, laments Randy. Josh says his dad has been an inspiration to him, though he’d have preferred that he be a hockey goalie. He and his dad look freakishly alike. I mean, they are father and son, but still. Josh says that he is a rocker, just like Chris last season. He sings Fuel and sounds totally affected. He is really putting on a false voice for the performance. In his speaking voice, he sounds cute and polite, but then when he sings, it sounds like an imitation. Randy agrees with me and says he doesn’t believe it, calling him a fake rock person. Simon asks him what he’d do for Abba week. Josh says he’d make it his own. Simon gives him 15 minutes to do an Abba song, and Josh vows to do it up. He does looking for someone to teach him a song. He frantically tries to get it. Josh says it’ll be worth it to be called “the dancing queen” if he makes it. Josh then sings “Dancing Queen” in exactly the same fake rocker voice. Simon says that basically, every week would be in that voice. Next he does “Copacabana” in the same voice. Yikes. It’s pretty darned funny. Jewel is afraid his throat will get hurt. Jewel tells him to stick with playing in a band and writing his own music. Simon says he likes him, but he doesn’t think it’s right. Josh says he’d work with a voice coach, but Simon doesn’t think it’s enough. Randy tells him to stick with his band, and Jewel agrees. Paula quietly says she’ll pass. Simon says that in a year, he’ll thank them for not putting him through. Josh concludes that Chris kicked open a door for a lot of people, but not for him. Only 17 people made it through. Wow, that’s rough. Will one of them win? I tend to think not. Perla and Denise were probably the best singers we saw tonight, but neither of them blew me away. Tomorrow, American Idol will head to Seattle.

American Idol 6, January 17: Don’t Rain on My Parade by Jenn Brasler -- 01/18/2007 You know what Seattle is known for? Rain. Oh, and bad singers. We see plenty of both as the auditions move up to the Pacific northwest. So far this season hasn’t turned out much talent. Can Taylor Hicks’ long-lost brother Eric turn things around? Last night we were in Minneapolis, and tonight we’re in Seattle, the birthplace of Jimi Hendrix, grunge, and wet weather. There are lots of umbrellas carried by people who are happy despite the rain. Ryan tells us 9,000 people are there to audition. The show stopped by Seattle in season 1 but didn’t have much luck. So why are they back? Because it’s fun, that’s why! People have brought their dogs, and there’s lots of yelling. People there are very excited. Brandon Groves is up first. He’s from West Virginia and is dressed as Uncle Sam. Simon recognizes him as the guy who sang “I Shot the Sheriff” while dressed as an actual sheriff last season. Remember him? He was cute, but he couldn’t sing. Randy says he’s undercover this time. Is it just me, or is Randy funnier this season? Simon predicts that this will be a long day. Brandon sings “God Bless America.” He’s still not good. Paula’s first reaction is, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Brandon gets automatic nos from all three judges. He’s disappointed and Ryan guesses correctly that he wasn’t taken seriously. Paula predicts that the next singer will be dressed as an Indian chief. Next up is Jennifer, who is known as “the hotness.” I think that nickname was given sarcastically and she just didn’t get the joke. She says she’s been singing since she was a child and has been compared to Mariah Carey. I predict disaster. Jennifer is called “the hotness” because she’s always had personality and isn’t afraid to speak her mind. She says she’ll deliver and it’ll go well. Jennifer comes into the audition room with gum in her mouth, a huge no-no that Paula quickly points out. Simon tells her to stick in on Taylor’s face on the wall. Dang, Simon. Jennifer sings that Bobby Brown classic, “Tenderoni.” It’s very breathy and off-key. She’s told to stop but she wants to keep going. She rejects the judges’ opinions and keeps challenging Simon. I think she wandered away from the Jerry Springer set. You don’t know me! Y’all jus’ jealous! Really not getting the hint, Jennifer wants to sing again. She starts and the judges shout over her. Jennifer tells Simon to give himself a lobotomy, to Paula’s delight. Outside, Jennifer says something about Simon liking bad country English sheep music. Ryan asks for her final thoughts on Simon, and Jennifer replies, “Kiss this.” She thinks she’s too hot for him. Out on the street, Jennifer talks to Brandon, who says he might audition again. It’s 11 a.m. and the forecast isn’t good. We see Simon giving a string of nos. One guy says Simon told him he sings like a Shakespearian actor. I don’t even know what that means. Amy Salgado is at the auditions alone. She’s a stay-at-home mom to a six-year-old son. Awww, she should have brought him. She says her husband isn’t supportive of her decision to audition; he says she’s wasting her time. Amy thinks he just doesn’t want to see her go to Hollywood. It’s sort of sweet, she says, but at least her son encourages her. She’s always struggled with herself, and singing keeps her going. Her is son proud of her, which makes her cry. Amy says it’s hard to go through life thinking you’re not good enough to do something, but she feels strong enough to do this. Amy will “try to sing” Christina Aguilera’s “Reflection.” Paula notes the “try” and Amy says that she has a cold. Actually, her first problem is that she apparently doesn’t know the melody of the song. Her second problem is that she has too much falsetto. She blames her illness and asks for water. Simon doesn’t think it’ll make a difference, but Paula and Randy are encouraging. Amy’s second try isn’t much better. Sorry, Amy. Randy tells her she’s tone deaf. She still wants another try. Simon tells her no amount of water will help. There are three nos from judges, but Amy sings anyway. Simon finally yells, “NO!” Outside, Amy cries and blames her illness again. Still, she says her family will keep loving her, and she’s a winner anyway. Now we get the first of many bad-singer montages. This one includes a guy who yells, “Die, die, die!” And not at Simon, amazingly. Darwin Reedy, aka Misha, is from Houston. She has bleached-blond hair and a monotone voice. Her mom’s there to support her. Misha thinks she’s sexy because of her attitude and confidence. Her mom tells us that she studied music and used to sing. Ryan notes that Misha’s mom brought sexy once and Misha is bringing it back. Okay, Ryan, I’ll give you a point for that one. Misha tells the judges she’s written a novella about a singing competition, and of course, there’s a character in it inspired by Simon. She’ll be singing the Pussycat Dolls’ “Don’t-cha.” (I honestly don’t know how to punctuate that.) First, she goes out to get her mom, who says she believes in Misha’s talent. She also notes that she and Misha cowrote that novella. Paula doesn’t like their Simon love. Mom adds that Misha used to dance to Paula’s music. Misha finally sings, but like Amy, she’s lost the melody. Question: would you sing this song in front of your mom? Now Misha wants to sing “Sweet Home Alabama.” Simon tells her not to. Mom says she’s nervous. I think they’ve enjoyed the experience, though, so there’s that. They tell Ryan they still love the show and will watch it. It’s still raining, and people are still very excited. Well, except the people who have been rejected and insulted by Simon. Tommy Daniels, with his afro and suit jacket, tells us he just quit his job because he thinks the show is his elevator to the top. He’ll get to the top whether has to take the elevator or stairs; this is just the easier way. He has a point there. Apparently Tommy slept behind rows of trash cans while waiting to audition. This is his third audition; he tried out two and three years ago. Randy says the third time is either the charm or the end. Paula notes if it’s the end, they wouldn’t have careers. Tommy sings “Arms of a Woman” by Amos Lee. Finally, we have a good singer! He has a nice, smooth, dare I say sexy voice with a lot of control. The judges like him and Simon especially likes his song choice. They put him through to Hollywood without reservations. Outside, Tommy hugs his family while Ryan is stuck holding Tommy’s dog, which the judges apparently love. Paula says if she and Simon ever had a baby, it would look like the dog. Also with a dog in tow is Melissa Stavros. Her outfit is… creative. It’s a little ‘80s Madonna. She says it fits her loud personality. She’s always been singing and will sing anywhere. Melissa, who goes by her middle name, Karlene, says she was going to sing “Hit Me With Your Best Shot,” but someone told her Simon hates it, so now she’s not sure what she’s going to do. She’ll just go in and sing. Paula notes that Karlene wrote that she loves to dance on tables. This is a family show, Karlene. Randy tries to test her by singing some Sir Mixalot. She picks it up and runs with it. She’s going to audition with Christina Aguilera’s “I Turn to You.” Karlene sounds okay, though off at a few spots. The judges decide not to send her through. She takes it well. Outside, Karlene tells her family she sounded like a goat, and she hopes she doesn’t usually sound like that, because if she does, people have been lying to her. Simon is still stuck on her outfit. Karlene says it was fun and she’d try out again if the show came back to Seattle. Blake Lewis has spiky hair and thinks he’s Ryan. Simon is not amused, I don’t think. Blake loops vocals and is the beatbox champion of… somewhere. Seattle or Washington or something. Actually, he’s not bad. Think Justin Timberlake beatboxing. He sings Seal’s “Crazy” and sounds very generic boy-band to me. The beatboxing was better. Simon says he’s good but over-the-top. He doesn’t think Blake is as good as he thinks he is. Blake says he’s been doing this for seven years but hasn’t been discovered because this is Seattle, not L.A.. Randy says his beatboxing was better than his singing and he chose the wrong song. Paula loves Blake but Simon thinks she’s easily pleased. It took him six seasons to figure that out? Simon thinks Blake should go through and Randy agrees, so Blake gets through. His parents are thrilled. His dad cries and says very sweet things about him. It’s 4 p.m., and we’ve only seen two people go through. Scary. Speaking of scary, bring on another montage of bad singers! The highlights are a Michael Jackson impersonator and the love child of Jon Peter Lewis and Napoleon Dynamite. People keep telling the camera that they’ll keep trying, but Jon Peter/Napoleon, Jr. says this was a wakeup call. Brother and sister Sanjaya and Shyamali Malakar are at the audition together, though Sanjaya tries to convince Ryan that they met in line. Their father is also there, and Shyamali tells us that he was a classical Indian musician, so they were raised around music. Sanjaya says he gave them their voices. They’ll be auditioning individually because Sanjaya thinks it will be more fun for them to compete. Shyamali says it’s because he knows she’ll make it, and she got him this far. He’s confident but foolish. Sanjaya says he cooler. Shyamali asks the interviewer if he wants her to push Sanjaya. I love them. Shyamali is up first, singing “Summertime.” She sounds great. Paula tells her she shouldn’t be nervous. Simon isn’t impressed; he doesn’t think there’s anything unique or unusual about Shyamali. What about the fact that there are very few Indian-American singers in the U.S.? Randy and Paula really like her, though Randy thinks she needs to find out where she fits. Shyamali offers to sing something else, even though she already has yeses from Paula and Randy. Simon notes that he’s not jumping out of his chair. Shyamali teases that she’d be shocked if he did. Ryan tells Sanjaya that his mom said he’s the better singer but doesn’t have the confidence. Shyamali bursts outside and celebrates with her family. Sanjaya hugs her, then goes in for his turn. Ryan tells Shyamali that he doesn’t want to create an awkward moment, but her mom said she was the best singer. Inside, Randy asks Sanjaya if he’s better than his sister. Sanjaya admits that he’s not sure. Paula doesn’t think he’s the shy one of the two, though that’s what their notes say. Sanjaya sings “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” and also sounds great. Simon says he’s a lot better than his sister. She has stage presence, but Sanjaya has a better voice. Sanjaya quickly gets three yeses, so he’s through. Listening at the door, Shyamali thinks the judges liked her brother better. He comes out and there’s more celebrating. Ryan asks who the judges thought was better. It doesn’t matter - they’re both going to Hollywood. At the end of day one, the judges don’t think it can get any worse. Of course, they’re wrong. Nick is a software engineer, and I believe he would be more comfortable on Beauty and the Geek. He’s self-taught and thinks “Unchained Melody” is a good song for the audition because of its range. Ryan asks Nick why he wanted to audition. Nick says his coworkers encouraged him to come, even though they haven’t heard him sing. Into the room goes Nick. He says he can win because he’s a leader. Sorry, but this isn’t The Apprentice. Nick isn’t sure what makes him unique. He sings “Unchained Melody,” Simon’s favorite song. Um… not anymore, because Nick has killed it. He basically sings the whole thing, too. I guess the editors had some time to fill. “Was that not good enough?” Nick asks at the end. “Not even close,” Randy says. Simon says it was almost non-human and one of the worst he’s ever heard. After Nick leaves, the judges are speechless, even Simon. Ryan asks Nick when he’ll sing again. Nick isn’t sure; maybe next year. I think he just wants out of there and doesn’t like Ryan staring at him. Nick wonders if he’ll scare himself if he watches the tape. The last contestant of the day is Rudy. He’s thrilled to be able to end the day on a good note. Ryan notes that a lot of people say this, and Rudy admits that Ryan won’t know until he comes out of the room. Rudy is originally from Venezuela and is in a band, so the judges expect him to be good. He sings Journey’s “Open Arms,” which I find a very interesting choice. It turns out to be a good one, as he sounds excellent. He also has good stage presence, and I think the audience would love him. Simon says no, which shocks Paula. She gives Rudy a yes. Randy isn’t sure but ultimately says yes. Ryan is grateful that Rudy was good. We get that “Had a Bad Day” song over a montage of Simon battling with singers. One girl actually gives him a raspberry. I think Amy Sedaris snuck in there. After 9,000 auditions, only seven people got through on day one. Day two dawns, and the sky is actually clear. People are still very excited. Seattle is a very cheerful place, apparently. The judges are ready for more craziness. In a press conference, Simon says Seattle had the worst contestants ever. The singers auditioning on day two aren’t thrilled to read that. Kenneth Briggs and Jonathan Jayne met in line and became fast friends. Both are sure they’ll make it to Hollywood and are ready to prove Simon wrong about Seattle. Kenneth is up first and throws some signs with Randy. He says he’s been compared to Justin Timberlake and Lance Bass (though Simon thinks he really means Armstrong). Simon asks if he honestly thinks he can win. Dude, he hasn’t even sung yet! Yeah, he doesn’t look like an Idol, but half the people who come through here don’t. Kenneth sings ‘Nsync’s (or however you punctuate that) “Tearing Up My Heart.” It’s not good, but it’s not as bad as a lot of the stuff we hear. The judges are amused, and Jonathan notes from outside that Simon’s jaw hasn’t exactly dropped. Simon stops Kenneth and asks why he thought he could win a singing competition. He says Kenneth looks like a bush baby. Huh? Kenneth calmly stands up to him and Paula admires him for that. Of course, it’s a no for Kenneth, but he takes it pretty well. He encourages Jonathan to try his hardest and have fun. Jonathan is overweight, so of course Simon starts in with the digs. Shut it, Simon. Jonathan thinks he could win because he’s different and has a great personality. He sings “God Bless America” with lots of vibrato. I’ll give him this - he’s better than Brandon. Kenneth crosses his arms and fingers for him. Paula likes Jonathan’s spirit and personality but doesn’t think he’s right for the competition. Simon tells Jonathan he’s a nice guy but shouldn’t be a singer. Outside, Jonathan says he just wanted one chance and thinks people would have voted for him. Ryan bids Jonathan and Kenneth (who calls him Randy) farewell to the confessional room, where Kenneth talks trash about Simon. Looks like he and Jonathan are friends, though. Another montage! Maybe the editors think that if they add together enough bad singers, they’ll equal one good singer. Taylor Hicks’ long-lost brother Eric has come to audition. He’s a hairdresser and says his work sends him into a trance. He likes looking like Taylor, since it helps with the ladies. Eric also thinks some of his moves are similar to Taylor’s. That might not be a good thing. Eric has rejected “Soul Patrol” in favor of “Twist Train,” whatever that means. He’s singing “Drift Away,” which I hate, by the way, so he already hasn’t endeared himself to me. The editors have fun by listing his age as “28???” Heh. Eric should stick to doing hair. Simon makes him swear on his mother’s life that this isn’t a joke audition. Then he asks if Eric is drunk, which isn’t a bad question, actually. Eric wants to be seen as different from Taylor. Then maybe he shouldn’t dress and act like him. Eric goes after Simon’s hair and security forces him out of the room. Yikes! A montage of people (some from last night) telling Ryan he’s short leads us to six-foot-four Anna Kearns, who is six-seven in heels. She likes being tall because she gets a lot of attention. She’s here because she’s wanted to be an Idol since the show started. Anna was in the Air Force, but a week before her graduation, she was kicked out because she has a weak heart. Ouch! Anna is singing “Respect” and first makes sure it’s okay if she moves around. Simon thinks she’s the tallest girl he’s ever seen. Anna has a big voice, but I’m not that impressed. She’s good, but I don’t think she’s unique enough. Randy likes her. Simon says she’s interesting and old-fashioned. Paula and Randy start growling, which cracks Anna up. Simon waits for them to shut up and apologizes for their unprofessionalism (if it’s not a word, I just made it one!). Paula loves Anna. Simon just shrugs, but since Randy and Paula both like Anna, she’s through. Outside, she does a victory dance. Paula thinks the week where they’re in groups of three will be entertaining. Some dreams have been crushed, but 16-year-old Jordin Sparks hopes that she won’t have hers dashed. She’s been waiting to audition because she’s just now old enough. She has a nice personality and an even nicer voice. She sings Celine Dion’s “Because You Loved Me,” gaining early points from Simon. Jordin hits the high notes, has a lot of control, and doesn’t get flustered when the judges start whispering among themselves. Paula and Randy love her. Jordin reveals that her father is Felipe Sparks, a former NFL corner. Simon pretends to know who he is. He tells Jordin her performance was a little too sweet and cutesy. Paula and Randy jump on him for that. Simon clarifies that he does like Jordin, and she says she understands what he was saying. Randy thinks she’s a natural and this is what it’s about. He and Paula predict that Jordin will do well. She gets three yeses (though Simon pretends Paula said no), and she’s through. Only seven others got through on day two, so that’s 15 altogether from Seattle. Add that to the 17 from Minneapolis, and you get… pathetic. The editors treat us to a montage of people butchering “Don’t-cha.” Ug. Still better than the original, though. The final Seattle auditioner is redheaded Steven, who often just gets called Red. He says he’s never been inspired by anyone from the show (though he’s only ever seen one or two episodes). He tells Ryan he’ll win because he can hit the high notes and isn’t the sort of person you see on TV. Plus, he looks like Carrot Top but is cooler. Yeah, that’s not saying much, buddy. Steven tells Simon he’s as good as Freddy Mercury. To prove it, he’s going to sing Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody.” He sings the whole thing in falsetto. ‘Nuff said. The judges crack up. Steven offers to do some country. Simon tells him that might be the weirdest audition ever. Steven says the last time he took voice lessons was in high school. He thinks with some practice and coaching, he could win. In fact, he thinks Simon should coach him. Simon thinks it would be like coaching a one-legged man to win the hundred-meter sprint. “Don’t sing it, just bring it,” says Steven. Um, okay. It’s a big no for him. Next week: Memphis.