Heroes: The LOL Version
I've been reading this at the 9th Wonders board and it's pretty funny! *** HEROES The LOL Version *Somewhere in the Desert* Peter: Ok, now what? Ted: We just sit and wait. Sit and wait.. Peter: for what? Ted: Just sit and wait... Peter: ... Episode One - ******, Imagine That Part 1 *Isaac's Loft* Simone: Isaac! Where is the heroin? Isaac: I don't know what you're talking about. I'm clean now remember? Simone: I don't care about your personal hygiene, I'm talking about the drugs. Isaac: So am I Simone: Sure you are. *starts looking in the drawers and cabinets* Isaac: It's not here, Simone. I already told you that a pixie came and took me to a paper factory that helped me get clean. Now I can paint without drugs. Simone: Good for you! The question is why were you painting with drugs in the first place when you had buckets of perfectly good paint right here. Isaac: I wasn't painting with them! Geez you really are stupid. Simone: Stupid enough to get accidentally shot like Ando Isaac: Maybe, but I dont know if it's going to be accidental anymore. And who's Ando? Simone: The Japanese guy who is clearly Korean who was with Hiro. Remember? Isaac: Who's Hiro? Simone: The Japanese guy with the glasses. Isaac: Ok, then who is Ando? Simone: Hiro's sidekick Isaac: Ohhhh, Aaando. Now I remember. Sort of. Now what was I doing again? Simone: Are you high ... again? Isaac: I told you a pixie took me to.. Simone: What pixie?! Isaac: She was very persuasive. Simone: What that on your neck? Isaac: It's nothing ****** she knows too much.... *Hiro and Ando in Vegas speaking Japanese of course* Ando: Hiro, my arm is bleeding! Hiro: Call the ambulance Ando: I can't. They'll make it worse Hiro: Oh, right. I forgot you were afraid of hospitals and anything related to them Ando: How can you forget? Hiro: Never mind, just go back to Japan. Ando: Ok... wait .. what? Hiro: I'll continue the quest alone. Ando: Oh ok then. Fine by me. I just got freaking shot. I ain't gonna keep going. I'm gonna fix the wound on my own. Hiro: Awesome. Now, GO HOME! Ando: Alright, but you'll give me a ride right? Hiro: No, I have to get going. So you take the bus. Ando: But I want the Nissan Versa Hiro: No, I'm taking the Versa Ando: No I am! Hiro: Fine take it, I'll just get another one. Ando: Good idea. I think everyone should buy a Nissan Versa. Best little blue car in the world! Hiro: Agreed! *Both makes a forced smile at the camera and point at the Nissan Versa* Hiro: So I'll take the bus. Ando: And I'll take the car. Hiro: Goodbye Ando and may the force be with you Ando: Are you implying I have an undiscovered power? Hiro: No. Ando: Oh ok. So it was all you with that bullet right? Hiro: I don't know I had my eyes closed. Ando: So did I. Not that that matters at all. There's now way I have any powers. *shifty eyes* Gotta go! *runs to the Nissan and accidentally hits his arm on the way there* Ooouch ****** it! My arm! Hiro: That's Ando for you. *walks towards the bus* *Somewhere else in Vegas* DL: Niki we need to talk. Niki? Niki. Hey I'm talking to you! Jessica: Huh? Oh right. I'm Niki. Hey DL What's wrong. DL: Micah is missing. Jessica: So? DL: AHA! You arent Niki. Your... Jessica! Jessica: ****** ... You got me. But Micah's ok right? DL: No, he's missing I already told you! Are you deaf or what. Jessica: Oh, yeah right. Well you go find him and I'll go shoot some politician... DL: Na ah. We are staying here until Niki shows up. Jessica: ******... *Some unknown place* Micah: *wakes up* Dad? Mom? What the ******, Where am I? ?: Micah, your awake. Micah: Where am I? Who are you? ?: I ... am ... your .. father! Micah: Nathan Petrelli? You're my real father? Nathan: Hey kiddo. Yep. Me and your mom got it on years ago but apparently she forgot when we met again just weeks ago. Oh well. Micah: That's not possible Nathan: Yeah it is. I banged like every chick in New York, Nevada, Texas, Montreal (there's your random Canadian reference) and Wyoming. In secret of course. Micah: But you and mom are white. Nathan: So? Micah: I'm black Nathan: Correction, your half black Micah: Something doesn't seem right though... Claire: Just relax and join the club. Micah: Who are you? Claire: My name is Claire Bennet and this is attempt number six. Nathan: No one is filming you. Claire: I know, I'm just rehearsing. Me and Zach are thinking of making more tapes and selling them to make some quick cash cause I'm short on cash Nathan: I can lend you some. I am a freaking rich politician. Claire: I don't want your filthy money thank you very much. Plus I like spending some time with Zach Nathan: He's gay. Claire: Not anymore. Thank you NBC. Nathan: Better him then Peter Claire: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww Micah: What are you guys talking about?! Nathan: Its too complicated to explain. Micah: I want to go home. Nathan: I would fly you home, if you give me a redbull Micah: I don't have one Nathan: Then no soup for you! Micah: ****** ... *Odessa Texas* HRG: Sandra, wheres Claire. Lyle: Mom's not here. HRG: Where is your mother then? Lyle: I dunno. HRG: What are you doing? Lyle: Playing PSP. Metal Gear Solid. Portable Opts. HRG: Such a minor useless character. I must do something about it... *Lyle walks away* HRG: Get back here! I have a surprise for you! Haitian, get in here! Haitian: Hey, don't call me that. I find it discriminatory HRG: Find I'll call you MBG Haitian: What's that stand for. HRG: Nothing, forget about it. Lyle: Mysterious Black Guy. HRG: Who told you! Lyle: No one, I just checked the Heroes / 9th Wonders Acronym List thread at the 9th Wonders forums on my PSP. HRG: ****** Haitian: I find that very racist. HRG: Just erase Lyle's memory. Lyle: Why? What did I do? HRG: That's what you get for being a useless minor character giving away secrets we'll later find out at the end of the episode. Lyle: That's no fair! Haitian: *Puts hand over Lyles head and starts humming and chanting* HRG: Is the humming and chanting necessary? Haitian: Umm, yes. HRG: Ok, carry on. Haitian: Huuummmmm. Ulurulalaaaaalaalalalala! Memories! Be gone! Lyle: Who are you? Who are I? HRG: Excellent. You are dismissed Haitian Black Guy. Haitian: We are gonna have a talk about this later! *walks off* HRG: Whatever. Alright. Hey wait a minute, where's Claire? Lyle: Who's Claire? HRG: ******. *New York, Top of a Rooftop* Claude: Here you go little bird. Sunflower seeds. I know you like them. Peter: For the last time, stop calling me a bird! Claude: Never. Now fly little birdie, fly! Peter: No! Claude: Fly ****** you fly already! Peter: I cant! Claude: That's what you said about shaving your head but you did it anyways. Peter: No I didn't. Claude: Oh, we aren't at that episode yet? Ooops. My bad! Peter: Nice going ******. Next time use the spoiler tags. That's what they're there for. Claude: Just fly already! *pushes Peter off the building* Peter: Aaaahhhhhhhh hey, I'm flying! I'm really flying! Look at me now I'm a talking flying donkey. You might have seen a house fly. Maybe even my brother fly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Claude: What? Peter: Never mind. Ignore that. So Claude, how would you like to take a ride on the Peter Petrelli. Claude: Peter: Sorry that didn't come out right. *lands on the roof again* Hey who's that? Claude: *turns around* Oh its just some bird watchers watching my birds. Peter: They're looking straight at us Claude: Maybe that's cause you're a bird Peter: They have guns. Claude: Hey, I know those guys. Peter: Yeah who are they? Claude: The one on the right I call Glasses and the one on the left looks like DL. Peter: Who? What? Claude: Oh ******! They are... *gets shocked by the gun* Peter: *stops it from shocking him, grabs and throws Claude off the building and runs towards the edge* HRG: What are you doing?! Peter: *jumps off, grabs Claude and starts flying* I'm flying Mr. Glasses. I'm finally flying! HRG: That's Mr. Horn-Rimmed Glasses to you! Peter: *flies away* Haitian: He got away. HRG: Shut up. * Somewhere in LA* Matt: Ok so they are stolen so what? Janice: That's not the type of attitude I want in this family. What, do you want the baby to steal too? Is that what your going to teach him? Matt: Ok first of all you've been pregnant for like forever alright, so either you have the baby or you dont. Second of all ... *covers his face* Ahhhh! Janice: What are you doing? Matt: Sorry I thought a giant chicken was going to attack me. Anyways second of all I'm a good guy. I don't know why I took it and I apologize. I'm gonna give it back, alright? Janice: Fine. Matt: Alright. *phone rings* Hello?.. Yeah ... Ok.. I'll be right there. *Hangs up* Gotta go Janice. Duty calls. Janice: Oh no you don't. First you have to give the diamonds back. Matt: But my friends called and they want me to meet them at the .. Janice: Diamonds first! then go to your friends. Or else Ill make your life a living ****** when you return! Matt: ******. Alright *runs out the door* Janice: And no taking families hostage this time! Matt: I cant hear you! Janice: dumb ****** Matt: I heard that. I mean no i didnt! *In a motel* Mohinder: I cant wait until tomorrow I meet the lady again. Cant wait until I get to analyze and observe her and runs some tests. *here a door open and close* Mohinder: Zane? Sylar: Umm. Yeah. Mohinder: What are you doing? Sylar: Just going for a little walk. Mohinder: Oh, ok. Just beware of Sylar. Ok Zane? Sylar: Ok Mohindy. Mohinder: What? Sylar: Nothing. Nothing. I'll be fine. Mohinder: Oh ok Sylar: That was close. Now time for some muuuuurder! Muhuhuhaha! To Be Continued ...

Episode 2 - Unexpected Ending *New York building rooftop* Haitian: He got away HRG: Shut up *phone rings* Hello? Claire: Dad can you pick me up. I'm in New York at Nathan's place. HRG: What are you doing in Nathan place? Wait. Are you doing what I think your doing? Claire: What do you think I'm doing? HRG: Ewwww. He's like so much older than you and … Claire: No! It's not like that. Ewwwwwwww. Your sick dad. No, it turns out Nathan Petrelli was my real bio dad. HRG: Sure. Yeah right. Hey, Haitian, Claire says Nathan is her real father! LOL Haitian: It's true. Trust me. HRG: Claire: Dad are you still there? Can you pick me up. Nathan is freaking me out a bit. He claims he can fly. HRG: He can Claire: Sure. Yeah right. Hey, Micah. HRG says Nathan can fly! LOL Micah: Its true. I read that issue of 9th Wonders. He was wearing a red suit I think? Nathan: Blue suit! Micah: I said red! Claire: HRG: Alright I'm a pick you up. *hangs up* Claude will have to wait. Come on Haitian. Haitian: Ok, that's it! Cant you just call me by my real name? HRG: What is your real name? Haitian: ?? I honestly don't know. I guess I must've accidentally erased that from my memory. In fact I think I accidentally erased a whole chunk of my memory along time ago. I guess that's why I'm stuck here with you. Wait, Why am I your partner again? My curiosity is killing me here. Can we have a flashback so that I'll remember? HRG: Fine. *Flashback* ……………….. *Scene Unavailable* Haitian: So where's the clip? HRG: I don't know. Oh, wait we'll have to wait until Company Man airs Monday. Haitian: Its Thursday. HRG: We aren't following real time. So it's actually Saturday night. I think. Haitian: Oh man. Monday. That stinks. HRG: Wait! They are showing it Sunday in Canada! Its airing on Global BC, Global Saskatoon, Global Regina, Global Manitoba, Global Ontario, Global Quebec, and Global Maritimes. Haitian: What about Global Calgary, Global Edmonton, and Global Lethbridge? HRG: Um, no they will show Heroes there on Monday. Haitian: It sucks to be them. HRG: Agreed but then by saying that your also implying it also sucks to be American Haitian: Yeah sure. I don't care. I'm Haitian. I think. HRG: Shut up and lets go get Claude. Haitian: Claire. HRG: What? Haitian: We are going to pick up Claire. HRG: Oh right. Shut up and lets go get Claire *Somewhere in Vegas* DL: Come on Niki. I know your in there. Take control over Jessica! You can do it! Jessica: That's not going to work DL. DL: ******. I got it! Why don't I just phase my hand into you and pull you out? Jessica: What? Do you realize what you've just said. DL: Yeah. I mean. Darn its not gonna work. I should know. I tried it before and it didn't work Jessica: You've tried it before? DL: Yeah. In Better Halves. Jessica: I thought you were just .. never mind DL: Wait I got it! *runs into the living room* I'll make you a delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich! Little does she know I'll add in pickles! Which I believe she's allergic to. Jessica: Why? DL: You'll see! Where are those ****** pickles? Jessica: Ok I'll wait right here. Now's my chance to escape. Niki: No please! Eat the sandwich Jessica: Never, we have to murder Nathan Petrelli Niki: What about Micah! Micah! MICAH! OMG! where's Micah! MICAH! Jessica: You're so annoying when you yell Micah. We get it you miss him shut the ****** up already! Niki: We have to find him Jessica: Well lets just hope that he's with Nathan Petrelli Niki: But the chances of that being true are 1 in 100,000,000,000,001! *New York, Nathan's Place* Micah: R-E-D! Nathan: B-L-O-O! Claire: Can you guys stop it already! We'll ask Isaac later. Nathan and Micah: Fine! Micah: So anyways your saying you kidnapped me from Vegas while I was sleeping and somehow took me all the way here just to tell me you're my father? Nathan: Yep! Micah: Well I want a DNA test. Nathan: Why? Claire didn't have a DNA test. Claire: Uh, my dad is coming to pick me up. Just letting you know. Nathan: LOL! I'm already here. Such a blonde. Claire: No, my other dad. The one that raised me and took care of me and later betrayed me somehow. Nathan: Oh. Ok then. Wait a minute! I thought you wanted to escape that family. Claire: I did but my mom and brother need me. I have to protect this family from my dad! Nathan: What the ****** did I do? Claire: My other dad Nathan: What's his name again? Claire: His name is … *the door opens* HRG: Claire Baire! Haitian: Bear. B-e-a-r. HRG: Right. Claire Bear! Nathan: HRG is your dad? Micah: Hey aren't you the dude with the glasses in the cover of one of my 9th Wonder issues? The one who faces Uluru? Or was that Hiro? HRG: Uluru? Claire: Hiro? Nathan: Micah, can you shut up about that freaking comic book. Its like you're obsessed with 9th Wonders. I bet if a 9th Wonders forums existed on the internet you'd be one of those people who logs in everyday. One who has absolutely no life. A person who is always speculating and sharing theories of what will happen next. Completely obsessed/ A total Loser! (No offense fellow readers) Micah: Well ha ha. The jokes on you, I don't have to log on. I'm a techno path. Haitian: HRG! Hurry! Heroes starts today in Canada! HRG: Its Sunday? That's not possible! Still Saturday night. Haitian: I meant starts tomorrow. I don't know the timeline of this story anymore. HRG: Well we know it isn't real one cause the explosion would have occurred already. Micah: What explosion? HRG: Ok, who the ****** is this kid? Who are you? Nathan: Leave my son alone! Micah: I'm not your son!! HRG: Nathan is that you. So, We meet again …. *Flashback* HRG: This is the room. Lets go Haitian. *opens door* Haitian: ! HRG: Ummm. Looks like they aren't finished yet. Haitian: Close the door! Close it! *Hours later* HRG: Sounds like they're done. *opens door* Haitian: Alright. Which one. HRG: Take the one on the right. Haitian: …. Uhh. Ok. Umm. Which right? HRG: *sigh* the guy. Take the guy. Haitian: Why not the girl? HRG: The reason for that won't be revealed until later this season. Haitian: But you know her? HRG: Yep. Nicole Sanders….. I mean. Never met her in my life just take Nathan. *outside* Nathan: Your making a mistake! I'm a rich politician! I'll press charges! HRG: Shut up. You won't remember this anyways. Nathan: *punches and kicks HRG and the Haitian and runs* HRG: So it's a race. You're on Nathan! *starts running* Try to catch up Haitian! Haitian: *runs and passes HRG* HRG: Slow down Haitian! *stops to catch his breath* Nathan: *stops at a fence* HRG: He's gonna use his power! Stop him! Haitian: What's his power! I can't stop his power if I don't know it! Nathan: I know your faces! I'll kill you if I ever see you again! So until then, up, up and away! *shoots up into the air and flies away* HRG: ******. That's sick! You saw that Haitian? Haitian: Yeah I saw it. HRG: Sick. So cool! *End Flashback* Nathan: Was all that necessary? Micah: Hey, wait a minute. You slept with my mom! HRG: Nicole's your mom? Nathan: That's it! *Takes out a gun* HRG you're going down. HRG: Oh no! I'm unarmed! Haitian help! Haitian: *runs outside with Claire and Micah* HRG: Nice. Run away you mute coward. Nathan: It's over. So, Monsieur Bennet, any last words. HRG: Yeah you have something on your tie. Nathan: What where? Not the tie! HRG: Carroty Shop! *outside* Haitian: *yells* HRG cant spell for ******! Micah: Ugh, We've been in this scene forever! Lets switch to another character! Claire: But who? Haitian: Lets spin the wheel. *a wheel of all the heroes characters appears* Micah: *spins the wheel and it stops* Haitian: It's Peter! Claire: It's always Peter. Micah: Who's Peter? Ugh. I'm so Lost. (this was not in any way a Lost reference even though the letter "l" was purposly capitalized) *somewhere else in New York* Isaac: Simone. Take this key and come back in a couple hours later. Simone: Ok *back in outside Nathan's place HRG: Lets go Haitian! Haitian: You're hurt. Wtf happened? HRG: I don't want to say. Lets just go. Come on Claire *HRG, Haitian, and Claire get in a car and leave* Micah: Hey! You forgot me! Jessica: Micah! Micah: M-I-C-A-H! Jessica: That's what I said. Thank you filters. (she actually said M.i.c.h.a.) Micah: Lets just go home. Jessica: Ok, after I kill Nathan. Micah: No! He might be my dad. Jessica: What? Micah: He has some pretty darn good proof of it. Jessica: ? *inside* Simone: I wanna go public Nathan: No Simone: But… Nathan: I said no, now go away unless you want me to bang you or something cause I think I didn't do you. Yet I have feeling I did but I'm not sure can I see something. *reaches to touch Simone's boobs* Simone: Rape! Your gonna rape me! Nathan: What? Simone: *Runs out* Raaaapppe! Nathan: Geez. Such a lame character. Hope she bites it soon. *In a cemetery* Matt: Ted where are you? Ted: he he he Matt: *looks behind a tombstone* I found you! Ted: *claps and laughs* Again! Hana: You guys are acting like little children Ted: Are there any other kind of children, Hana? Hana: H-A-N-A Ted: That's what I said. Thank you filters (he actually said H.a.n.n.a.h.) Matt: Ok, no more games. Why did you call me for? Ted: To play another round of hide and go seek in the cemetery! Matt: Cool! Hana: We're here cause Caveman here wants to take the Bennets hostage to get info on the powers and abductions and stuff. Such a childish idea. Ted: Hey, don't call me a Caveman. I'm Ted ………… the radioactive caveman. Hellz ya! High five Matty! Matt: *high fives Ted* Yeah! Woot! Radioactive Theodore Caveman Sprague!! Ted: Yeah!!! Hana: Shut up the both of you! You're acting idiotic Matt: Who's acting? Hana: That's it. I'm outta here. Matt: But isn't this you debut on the show? Hana: Doesn't matter. I'll still be in the comics, That's where I truly belong. Ted: Alright so are we gonna take a family hostage or are we gonna take a family hostage? Matt: We are definitely taking a family hostage! Ted: Woooooot! Lets do it man! Matt: Yeah! *at Bennets house* Ted: *burns the door, enters and picks up Mr. Muggles* Matt: No, no, no, Ted! Ted: Relax, I'm not gonna nuke … *checks dog tag* Mr. Muggles. Matt: You should've though of that before picking him up without turning off those nuke hands of yours. Ted: woops. *drops Mr. Muggle's skeleton* My bad. *all of a sudden there's a tremendous amount of applause.* Matt: ******. The viewers must have hated that dog. Ted: No ****** he was Sylar Matt: or Linderman. Ted: True, true. Too bad there's like 20 other Mr. Muggles ready to take his place. Matt: The computer has nothing. *sees car come in* Ted: They are here. *picks up Mr. Muggles #2* Lets go say hi Sylar: Hey! Get your own line! ******. Matt: Get out of here this isn't your moment of fame. You get enough screen time Sylar: But this episode is almost over. And neither me or Mohindy or sexy Petrelli or the hot Dr. Who were in this one. Matt and Ted: Are you gay.. Sylar: Its debatable.. Matt and Ted: GET OUT! *somewhere in New York* Claude: *wakes up to see Peter staring at him* Ahh! Peter: Good. Your awake. Claude: You… You betrayed me! You brought those bastards straight to my door. Peter: *starts humming the emo song* Claude: Are you listening to me? Peter: *Continues humming* Claude: Wait, he's wearing headphones. PETER! Peter: Huh? *unplugs the headphones from his I-Pod* Claude: You're listening to that emo song again arent you? Peter: No. Claude: *takes headphones and puts them on* Dear dairy, mood apathetic? Screw Xbox, I play old fashion Nintendo? Girls say they already have a ****** and they don't need another one? OMG! Peter! Take this off your I-Pod now! Peter: No! It's the song I can relate to the most! Claude: If you don't stop being emo with the music and hair and suicide attempts, then I'll leave forever! Peter: Emo for life! Claude: *turns invisible and leaves* Peter: Claude? Rrr. It must be Isaac's fault. Gotta go confront him! *Isaac's loft* Isaac: *finishes painting a picture of Peter* Something's missing. *Adds more hair to cover Peter's eyes* Aha! Its perfect! It's… Peter? And he looks angry. Peter: I sure am. Isaac: ? Where'd you come from Peter: That's not important. What is important is that you scared away my Yoda! *throws Isaac with tk* Isaac: Ahh! What are you talking about *grabs the gun* Peter: *turns invisible* try and find me now* Isaac: *shoots and it almost hits Peter* Peter: Hey watch it! Isaac: Next time don't stay in the same place! *shoots again and again and starts spinning* Peter: It's a fight to the death! Someone WILL die today! Someone will perish. Someone will cease to exist tonight! Isaac: Not it Peter: Not it. Isaac: *Shoots* Simone: Ouch! That hurts! *falls* Isaac: Right on time Peter: No! You should've shot me! I don't mind! Kill me so I can join her! Do it! I'm an emo talking donkey! I hurt myself on purpose! Kill me! Ahhh! Simone! Noooo! Isaac: Oh man. I just realized how much I loved her. The tears are coming. Ohhh. *cries* It's all your fault Peter! I will kill you! *shoots again* *Bennets house* HRG: Come on it family. Ted: Boo! Lyle: A caveman! Claire: They're real! Matt: He's not just a caveman. He's Ted Sprague! The Radioactive Caveman! Ted: *Hands lite up* See. I make fire. I can go boom. Boom. Boom boom boom! HRG: Oh ******! To be continued …………. Sylar: See? Mohinder and I were excluded. Mohinder: I honestly couldn't care less. Our scene was us going to see the hearing lady and finding out she was killed by the evil Sylar. Sylar: Yeah I hate that guy *winks* Mohinder: Why did you wink at the camera, Zane? Sylar: oh it's nothing it's nothing. Muhuhuhaha! It's murder time. Again. This time it's Mohinder's head on a platter. Mohinder: What did you just say!! Sylar: Whoops. Forgot the italics that indicate I am thinking. *Muhuhuhaha! It's murder time. Again. This time it's Mohinder's head on a platter. There we go* Mohinder:

BENNET HOUSE: Double Feature Those two titans of terror — Quentin Tarantino and Rodriquez Robert DarkHeroJ aka Jay— have teamed up for this throwback to the good ol' days when you could see two sleazy exploitation films for the price of one ticket. Rodriquez directs Planet Terror The Company Man Spoof, an over-the-top tale of a small town family trying to survive an outbreak of zombies hostage situation; while Tarantino's Death Proof Itsplodytime stars Kurt Russell as a serial killing radioactive maniac who stalks beautiful womenexplodes. Also features fake trailers for phoney movies by the directors. Episode 3 - The Company Man Spoof *Bennet’s house* Ted: *burns the door, enters and picks up Mr. Muggles* Matt: No, no, no, Ted! Ted: Relax, I’m not gonna nuke … *checks dog tag* Mr. Muggles. Matt: You should’ve thought of that before picking him up without turning off those nuke hands of yours. Ted: woops. *drops Mr. Muggle’s skeleton* My bad. *all of a sudden there’s a tremendous amount of applause.* Matt: Damn. The viewers must have hated that dog. Ted: No ****** he was Sylar Matt: or Linderman. Ted: True, true. Too bad there’s like 20 other Mr. Muggles ready to take his place. Matt: The computer has nothing. *sees car come in* Ted: They are here. *picks up Mr. Muggles #2* Lets go say hi Sylar: Hey! Get your own line! ******. Matt: Get out of here this isn’t your moment of fame. You get enough screen time Sylar: But neither me or Mohindy or sexy Petrelli or the hot Dr. Who are in this one. Matt and Ted: Are you gay.. Sylar: Its debatable.. Matt and Ted: GET OUT! Sylar: *magically escapes and returns to where Mohinder is. Probably some other stole power* Ted: I’m gonna go scare them! Matt: Careful Ted HRG: Come on it family. Ted: Boo! Lyle: A caveman! Claire: They’re real? Matt: He’s not just a caveman. He’s Ted Sprague! The Radioactive Caveman! Ted: *Hands light up* See. I make fire. I can go boom. Boom. Boom boom boom! HRG: Oh ******! Sandra: ::BLEEP::, don’t curse in this house! HRG: Why was my real name bleeped out? Wtf? Matt: Yeah wft? I really wanted to now his name HRG: Why don’t you read my mind then? Matt: Good idea! Ted: Can I ‘splode now. Matt: uh, no! Ted Why not?! Matt: Because I said so. Now you be a good caveman and do not blow up this house! Ted: but .. Matt: NO! Ted: waaaaa! waaaaaa! I wish Hana was here! She’s let me ‘splode. HRG: Wait, Hana’s involved Matt: Great nice going Sprague! Ted *sniff* I’m mad now! Matt: Ted, relax, I’m gonna …. *Matt notices the Bennets slowly trying to escape* No, no, no, no, no! you guys get back here! HRG: Curses! Foiled again! He caught us family, lets surrender. Claire: Dad! This is all your fault! Matt: She knows! Claire: No I don’t! Matt: Yes you do! Admit it! I can read minds! Claire: Haitian… Made mom and brother forget … I love Gwen Stefani … Matt: That Haitian! He made your mom and brother forget. But you why didn’t he make you forget? And Gwen Stefani? HRG: Don’t answer Claire. Listen, I’m just a paper salesman Ted: Bullshit! Do not lie or I get mad and angry and then all goes kaaa-boom! Lyle: Now that you mention it, who the hell are you guys? Ted: Now that I mention what? Matt: Ted, shut up. Sandra: We’re your family, Lyle! And what Haitian? Matt: Listen *points at HRG* This man abducts people. He abducted me! Look I have the mark! The mark! Sandra: The Dark Mark? Claire: No, mom. Not the.. Sandra: Ahh! You are He-who-must-not be-named’s followers! You are death eaters! Leave Harry Potter alone! Claire: How many times exactly did you screw with her brain, dad?. HRG: Recently, 48 times during the winter cause of the winter hiatus and 48 more times cause of the spring hiatus. Hey with no Heroes what else was I suppose to do? Claire: Its November. HRG: Oh, duh. Right lol. Forgot we aren’t following real time. Matt: Ok, can we all shut up for a while and focus please. Me and Ted are here to get some answers from HRG. HRG: And in order to get answers we need flashbacks! Matt: No we don’t! HRG: To late … *camera zooms into his glasses and flashback begins* *Flashback* HRG: I love paper! Its my life! So do I get the job? Thompson: Yep. HRG: Thanks. Did you know that people are fragile, like …uh… *sees teacup* teacups. And I’m comfortable with morally gray and such. Thompson: Ok. Cool. So you’ll have a partner. HRG: Sweet! So who is my partner? Thompson: He’s a British guy. You’ll like him. HRG: When do I meet him? Thompson: He’s already here HRG: *turns around* Where? Is this some sort of test *turns back and Claude is there* ZOMFGAOLWTF!!! Did you… what the… where did you …!?? Thompson: That’s Claude the invisible man. HRG: Claude? Seriously, you couldn’t think of a another name for an invisible man. Claude’s kind of taken. Claude: Hey, I don’t chose my name. The writers do. So just go with it ok? *Flashback ends* Matt: What was the point of that? That didn’t answer anything for us! HRG: Not to us, but to the audience at home watching, that was sort of a shocking reveal. Matt: Oh. Well when are we gonna see a flashback that answers what we are asking? HRG: Never! Ted: That’s it! *takes out gun* Me want to know why me like this! I shoot you if you don’t tell! HRG: Ted, relax. I’m just a paper salesman.. Claire: Dad. They already know you aren’t. What’s the point in saying you are? Sandra: What exactly is going on? HRG: Well, these clearly mentally ****** people escaped from the looney bin. They think they have super powers. Isn’t that cute. Now Mattie and Teddy. Time to go back to the institution. Ok? Matt: What? No! I am not ******! We aren’t going anywhere! Ted: But I wanna go! Matt: No you don’t! Stay Ted! We want answers! *grabs HRG* Lets go! Away from the stairs and door. Come one all of you! *HRG, Mrs. HRG and HRG Jr. move to the living room* You! *points at Claire* Claire: What? Matt: You know a lot more than what your telling us, so come with me. *They go into a room and lock the door.* Matt: Now just stay still. I’m gonna read you mind ok? Just think about what you know Claire: If I could escape. And re-create a place as my own world. And I could be your favorite girl. Forever, perfectly together. Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet? Matt: Sweet Escape? Claire: Its my favorite song, but don’t tell anyone so shhh! Matt: Just think of someone or something important Claire: Peter Petrelli Matt: Peter? He can do what I can do? Claire: He can do what I can do Matt: Ok, stop that Claire: Ok, stop that Matt: I’m serious! Claire: I’m serious! Matt: Stop it! Claire: Stop it! Matt: Wait, you’re the cheerleader right? Save the cheerleader save the world. Claire: Are we done yet? Matt: I heard that movie is gonna suck. Claire: What? Matt: Never mind, I’m going to ask your father Claire: Asking him what? Matt: To come and confirm you can heal *opens door* HRG get over here! HRG: Yes yes, I’m on my way *continues talking to Lyle* So anyways Lyle, I heard you were reading “A Streetcar Named Desire” in school. And your failing cause don’t get it? What don’t you understand about the book? Lyle: No, its not that I don’t get it, its that I didn’t get it. I didn’t buy the book so I get F’s everyday I don’t bring it. HRG: What? And how many days is it now? Lyle: 42. HRG: 42! That many days to read that book! Matt: HRG! HRG: Just a sec! It doesn’t take more than a week or 2 to finish it. Its relatively short and … Lyle: I don’t really know how many days dad. HRG: So why did you say 42. Lyle: Cause it’s the answer to life, the universe and everything. HRG: But that wasn’t the question. Lyle: What’s the question? HRG: Good question Matt: We’ll wait till he gets here. So I read Peter’s mind. Save the Cheerleader Save the World. You must be special. What do you do? Claire: Nothing… Matt: You know I don’t remember your blood on the crime scene. You heal don’t you Claire: I’ll never tell. Hee hee! Matt: That’s it. HRG wont come so I’m coming over there! *Matt and Claire arrive at the living room* How has Ted behaved? HRG: shhh! He fell asleep Everyone: WHAT!? Matt: Ted, wake up your supposed to be awake. Wake up! Sandra: We could’ve escaped why didn’t you tell us he was asleep? HRG: I was having a conversation about our son’s grades and it was really sort of important. He’s failing you know. Sandra: Matt: Is it time for another flashback? HRG: I don’t know. If you want to know more about me then read my mind. *The Killer’s song Read My Mind plays* Ted: Turn it off or else we’ll have to become the killers. The killers of you that is! Ha ha! Lyle: Lame Ted: You wanna die kid! Cause I’m bust a cap in yo face if y’all don’t shut the ****** up. Matt: Ted, calm down. I’ll read his mind HRG: Teriyaki nagasaki yamaha. Karate honda sumo. Mitsubishi sushi kamikaze. Casio tsunami judo. Toshiba bonsai shitake kimono. Sashimi samurai! Nissan Versa! Matt: That ****** is thinking in Chinese! HRG: Japanese! Ted: wtf? Why are you thinking in Japanese?! HRG: Its time for a minor non-important flashback *Flashback* Claude: That fire starter was a ******. She wouldn’t shut up! “I smell burning. Why is it burning! Where is my daughter? Why am I on fire? Am I special? Are you? What’s going on? Who are you! Why is Nathan never around. Why am I so lonely. I need a smoke. Is my daughter dead?” Geez. What a loudmouth blond. Hope she died in that flame. HRG: Well whats gonna happen to the baby? Claude: Go talk to Kaito. HRG: Uhm, Herro Kaito. (in Japanese) Mr. Nakamura: Hello Mr. Bennet. I have a gift for you! M-kay? HRG: What? Mr. Nakamura: A child! The fire starter’s little girl! Keep her! M-kay? HRG: Oh, no I cant possibly Mr. Nakamura: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. You keep the child! Just don’t get attached cause if she has power we take her for observation. M-kay? HRG: Uh, ok whatever. *takes child* Hiro: Daaaaaaad! How do you beat the Saffron City Gym? I cant find the leader and my I don’t know what level my pokemon should be. What level were yours when you beat it? Daaaaaaaad! I’m talking to you dad! Did you chose Squirtle? I chose Squirtle. Daad! HRG: Is that your kid? Mr. Nakamura: Yes. I wish I could stop time sometimes you know? Cause he gets so annoying. We’re gonna go, m-kay? HRG: Goodbye Mr. Nakamura. *HRG walks over to Claude* HRG: What should I name her? Claude: What’s the last movie you’ve seen? HRG: The Breakfast Club? Claude: Then name her Claire… *Flashback Ends* Claire: Minor non-important flashback? HRG: Well, ok it was somewhat important. Claire: You named me Claire cause of the movie? Sandra: I kept telling him. Claire is a fat girl’s name. Matt: Wait, that movie existed back then? I thought… HRG: Shut up. And check out my safe in my room. Combo is 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 and 42 Matt: There’s a safe … Ted: I am on it! *runs upstairs* HRG: *runs to get his gun* Matt: Hey, *tackles HRG and Ted runs back and they start kicking him* Take that! Ted: *Ted takes HRG’s gun and points it at Sandra* HRG! Stop playing games and tell us the truth man! Or I will shoot! HRG: Matt shoot Claire before he shoots my wife. Claire: Stop! Shoot me instead! Sandra: No! Shoot me! Claire: You’re a psycho! It makes more sense to shoot me! Sandra: Don’t listen to her! She’s just a teenager. Never listen to teenagers! I am willing to sacrifice myself. HRG: On second thought, let him shoot Sandra. It’ll be very dramatic and interesting to see what happens. I might get remarried to a hottie and then … Matt: Nice try but reverse psychology wont work on me. I’ll shoot Claire! *shoots* Claire: Shoot me! Oomph! *gets shot* HRG: Good now she’ll heal. Oh and right hook. Right hook coming *punches Matt on his left* Matt: What a liar! Sandra: No no no noooo! Claire! Ted: Whoops. Sorry people. *looks at Matt* Matt what the hell? Matt: I didn’t mean to. I meant I did I’m not gonna lie. I meant to shoot her. It was with all my intent to shoot her so it wasn’t an accident. Maybe not kill her but most certainly shoot her. But she wasn’t suppose to die. Well she wont, will she? HRG: She’s as dead as Eden. Don’t tell Ted over there that she isn’t and just take her body somewhere else so she can heal Matt: Uh, Ted we’re gonna move her upstairs to uh yeah. *takes Claire and goes upstairs with HRG* Matt: That Ted was actually gonna shoot your wife. I heard him pull the trigger in his mind. HRG: Damn. That’s cool. You can hear that? Wow. Anyways thank you for shooting first. At my daughter. Matt: It’s not everyday someone gets to say that, huh? Claire: *spits bullet* Hey, policeman, here’s your bullet. Matt: Why thank you. Wait… whoa. You just spit it out? Wow. I am in shock. HRG: Yeah, she always finds the coolest ways to get injured and then heal. Remember the stick in your head and the morgue? Claire: Yeah that was cool. Not many chances you get to get up and walk away from an autopsy table! Matt: Ok… HRG: Claire, can you pretend to be dead for a while. Claire: No, I’m not Mr. Muggles. Matt: Yeah, Mr. Muggles is Sylar. Or Linderman. HRG: You still believe… never mind. Claire just stay here. Lets go Matt. Ted: *eating sandwich* So this is what you people can a sand witch. I’m surprised. I was expecting a witch made out of sand. Not bread with ham, mayo, tomatoes and lettuce. Lyle: *picks up baseball bat* Look ma! Sandra: Its time, Swing away, Lyle. Swing away Lyle: *runs over to Ted and swings the bat but misses* Sandra: You missed? He was right there! Ted: You tried to hit me? Now your gonna get it! Matt: Ted! Stop it, its not worth it. Why don’t you and HRG go to the factory. I heard there’s files and stuff. The truth. Ted: The Cheesecake Factory? Nice! I am hungry. Matt: Yeah ok, just go. HRG: Ok lets go Ted. But it’s a not the Cheesecake factory. Its just my paper factory. Matt: *Slaps his forehead* Ted: What? No! I will stay if there’s no food involved. HRG: well.. Matt: Fine I’ll go. But Ted, don’t kill anyone. Ted: Just be back in 30 minutes. If your late look for the mushroom cloud! Damn it. I made myself even more hungry. I’m off to make more of those sand witches you call heroes. Matt: *he leaves with HRG* HRG: Will you like to hear a funny story? Matt: Not really. HRG: Its about my wife’s first ever memory wipe. Good old times. So she started suspecting that I might be a serial killer, lol it was quite funny. Anyways so I went to my boss to .. Matt: Great he’s thinking the story. HRG: You know. It’ll look better as a flashback Matt: No, HRG. Just drive. I really don’t think… *Flashback Starts* HRG: Thompson, my wife. She’s started suspecting. She found my secret stash of you know whats. Oh and my weapons and stuff. She might think I’m a serial killing drug dealer. Thompson: Stash? I’m not even gonna ask. But if she suspects something about the company and your real job then I’ll send the Haitian to make her forget. Its his power HRG: That’s cool. What’s the catch though? Thompson: He’s mute and here he is. Hello Mr. Haitian Haitian: I have a nam… I mean. *shuts his mouth* Thompson: Did you talk just now? Haitian: *Shakes head* HRG: Yeah. Anyways I’ve always wanted to find a way to make her forget. Sweet. Lets go Haitian. I’m thinking we should do MIB style memory wipes. With the black suit and sunglasses. You’ll be Will Smith and I’ll be the other guy. It’ll be sweet. Haitian: How about I just go up there and erase her memory and then come down and go back to my house and sit and watch Seinfield? HRG: …. Haitian: *goes upstairs and comes back down 5 minutes later* All done. Now if you excuse me I’m gonna go watch Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer and of course Newman deal with their oh so funny everyday problems. Good day sir. We will most definitely meet again. Don’t tell anyone I can talk or I’ll erase your memories for good. I mean it! *leaves* HRG: Well that’s not how I pictured this scene happening at all. *Ends Flashback* Matt: Zzzzzz HRG: And that’s how I met Haitian and .. MATT! Wake up! Matt: Wha.. What! 42! HRG: We’re here. ~~~~~~ INTERMISSION ~~~~~ Audience: Awwwwwww! Mohinder: Intermission time. Stand up and leave. Stretch your legs. Go take a ******, grab a bucket of popcorn, a large soda and a bowl of Hershey Kissess. And return to your seats to read the rest of the double feature. Sylar: Mohinder, what are you doing. Come back to bed. Mohinder: Uh.. Half of the Audience: Ewwww Other Half: Woooooott! Go Syhindler! Syhindler! Mohinder: Just stay tuned for the half time show Sylar: There’s a half time show? Who is in it? Mohinder: You’ll see. Oh you’ll see. *runs and jumps into bed with Sylar and the door closes behind them* Jay: Sorry. This wasn’t what was suppose to happen. I am really really sorry. I will fire them immediately. Drving_Mish_Crazy13: No don’t! I love Syhindler! LOSTie: Me too! Jay: You guys are sick Joe: Can we just continue the story? Jay: Its time for the half time show! Joe: I want to half time show. Just continue the story! You made us wait forever! So I think you should do all your readers a favor and just skip the half time show and start the next ep… And now, DarkHeroJ (aka Jay if you havent figured it out yet and didn’t read my sig or pay attention at the beginning of this post) presents the Heroes: LOL Version half time show! Featuring… Justin Timberlake KoRn Fergie Nine Inch Nails And William Hung Justin: Is this the Kids Choice Awards 2007? Jay: No. Justin: Then I’m in the wrong place. See ya Jay: Wait! You’re the only one that showed up! Come back! Grrr *calls KoRn and NIN* Hello? What do you mean you cant come? Guys! You guys suck! Wait, just kidding I love you! *they hang up* ****** hate those guys. Oh who am I kidding. They are one of my 2 of my favorite rock bands (Fun Fact: They are one of my 2 favortie rock bands.) Fergie: I’m here! Jay: Oh great. Fergie. (Fun Fact: I hate Fergie) Go die like you did in Poseidon. (Fun Fact: I was referring to Poseidon the 2006b version. Cause i know someone will ask which one) Fergie: *leaves angry* William Hung: What about me? Jay: *sighs* (Fun Fact: I think William Hung sucks) This is the worst half time show in history Gambit: I agree! (Fun Fact: Gambit sucks! lol j/k he'll probably never see this anyways) Jay: Requium191: Start the fan fic! Or go to my fan fic the Heroes Side Story. Well to be fair it isnt mine its a group effort... Jay: Hey no advertising! (Fun Fact: Advertising is cool. As long as it doesnt steal my audience lol) Joe: Save the World. If they don’t, then who will… Jay: Stop it! all10xs - Saving Grey. A Sylar fic… Jay: That’s it! Resume double feature… Double Feature to resume in a couple of minutes...

Jay: Resume double feature…. Episode 4 - Itsplodytime *Back in the House* Ted: What was that? I heard a noise upstairs. I’ll be back. Claire: *comes in through the back door and frees Lyle and Sandra.* Sandra: CLAIRE! Omg! Your alive! Ted: *runs downstairs* Aha! *runs and grabs Claire* Claire: RUN! Sandra: LET HER GO! Lyle: There’s my PSP, but where is my memory stick! Ted: That’s it times up, itsplodytime ******! Ted: kkkkkkaaaaaaaaboooooooooooooooooommm.. Claire: What was that? Ted: I said kaaboom! Claire: Yes we all heard you say kaboom. You even spit on me. Eww. But just because you said it doesn’t mean it’ll happen Ted: *crying* but I want to explode. *sniff sniff* I waited so long for this moment and I cant do it. Claire: There there. Ted: And Matt lied to me. *sniff sniff* He said you died but he just lied. Claire: Calm down. Wanna watch TV *turns TV on* TV: Geico, so easy a caveman can do it Ted: *sniff* Life as a caveman is not easy! Stupid tv! *sniff* Claire: *switches channels* *On TV* Howie Mandel: Deal or no Deal? Hiro: Um, deal-o? Ando: No Hiro! No deal! Audience: No deal! Hiro: No deal-o! Ted: Another asian guy on deal or no deal. Next! Claire: *changes channel* Gray’s Anatomy *on TV* Kat: Gabriel, please. The patient is dying here. I wish he would survive *patient survives* Omg! He’s alive! Gabriel Grey: So, you healed him. *points finger at her* stay still. Sylar’s got some munching to do… Ted: No, just turn it off. Claire: *turns off TV* Mom, Lyle. Get out! Sandra: Lyle left, lets go Claire Ted: bye. I’ll see ya. *sniff* wait.. Wait ………………… STOP! Claire: RUN! *back in the factory HRG: Ok, here’s a tranquilizer gun for Ted. And the files and stuff. Alright. We’re done. Oh and I signaled the Haitian. Matt: Ok. What? HRG: He will help us. Matt: But you said.. HRG: Just forget what I said. Matt: So that’s why the Haitian’s here. To make me forget? HRG: No. Just walk. *the start walking down the hall and they see the Haitian there* Hey look who found me *points at Matt* and guess who found out you can talk! *pushes Haitian up against the wall* Haitian: Wtf? You always knew I could talk. HRG: Oh. Sorry then But why didn’t you wipe Claire Bear’s memories? Like I told you! Haitian: Cause she is important to the story and her forgetting what just happened will completely ruin the show and her story. HRG: Shut up Haitian, lets go. Matt: What’s that over there? HRG: That’s where we keep the heroes we are experimenting on. In that cell is Jason Voorhees. What’s happening hockey mask? Jason: Hmmmm mmmhmm mhmmhmghhm! Matt: What did he say? HRG: We don’t know. He refuses to remove his mask so we cant tell what he’s saying Matt: What power does he have? HRG: We arent sure. Some regeneration I guess. He never dies. Haitian: No horror super villain does. Since they are already dead. HRG: Shut up Haitian. Over there is Jason’s mortal enemy Freddy Krueger. Matt: You gotta be kidding me. You have them both? HRG: Yep. We caught them at Crystal Lake. Me and the Haitian were on vacation and we see Jason jump out of the lake holding Freddy’s head. But they weren’t dead. So we tranqed Jason’s ****** and dragged him hear. We also carried Freddy Krueger’s head. And somehow overnight he had his whole body with him. Freddy has some sort of dream power and also some regeneration going on. Matt: Wow. HRG: Over there we have Dr. Dolittle. He can talk to animals. We have his daughter in here too. Dr. Dolittle: Lemme out fool! HRG: Not until you stop making Dolittle movies! Dr. Dolittle: But I’m not even in the third one HRG: But your daughter is and that counts. Lets keep walking Matt. Matt: You know I didn’t ask for a tour. HRG: Shut up and enjoy it alright? Over there is the Haley Joel Osmont and Bruce Willis. One is unbreakable and the other can see dead people. Haley and Bruce: We are actors!! HRG: Shut up you too! Your not gonna fool me like that precog who saw the plane explode in his head before it actually exploded. He claimed to be an actor too. Matt: He was. It was all in a movie called Final Destination. HRG: Shut up you! Haitian: Uh, if we are here too long, didn’t Ted threaten to explode HRG: Oh ******, he did didn’t he! Lets go! First one to my car gets to drive! *starts running* Haitian: *runs and passes HRG* Matt: *runs and catches up to HRG* No *huff* running *huff* slow down! *faints* HRG: Haitian! Come over here and help me carry Matt to the car Haitian: HRG, super strength isn’t my power! *back in the house* Ted: So you heal, huh little girl? Sandra: “I walked through fire and I didn’t get burned” You were trying to tell me. Claire: How is it that you remember that and not … never mind. Ted: When Matt gets back we’re gonna play tag. And I’m it *turns on radioactive hands* HRG: I already told you, he will definitely fall for it *opens door and enters* Ted: Matt? HRG: He fainted cause of the running and stuff, but here’s the stuff and files ok? Matt: Its alright I’m up HRG: Good. So take these and let my family go Ted: Ok, but first. Explain what Claire is doing here alive! HRG: Uh. Omg! She alive! Hallelujah! Thank the lord! My daughter’s alive! Alive! Ted: Cut the act Glasses. She heals I know. And you two lied *shows them his hands* Matt: Ted! You can either have revenge or the truth. Not both Ted: Yes both! This dude with the glassess has lied to us like forever! I’m gonna take him out! Matt: No! uh, lets play rock paper scissors! Ted: What? Matt: You win you get both, I win you get truth. Either way you win HRG: This is soooo risky. Ted: Deal! Matt: ok, rock paper scissors shoot! *paper* Ted: *Rock* Damn it. Ok, gimme the truth. HRG: Haitian, come on in! Haitian: yeah I’m on it. *unties Sandra and Claire* Ted: Hey, what? HRG: He’s just here to pimp my ride. How is my car coming? Haitian: Pimpalicious, HRG, pimpalicious. Ted: Who else you got back there. HRG: Oh, a lot of people. Don King! Don King: Only in America! HRG: Neo from the Matrix Neo: Hey! HRG: Watch this! *shoots at Neo* Neo: *does that matrix dodging thing he's famous for* Trinity, help! Ted: Cool HRG: We also have Idallia, the infamous moderator of 9th Wonders. Matt: Oh, her. Ted: You know her? Matt: I'm on 9th Wonders alot and yeah she's the one of the gods and goddesses over there. In fact, she's everywhere at once. There's something suspicious about her .. Ted: If you go to that website all the time then why the hell didnt you see this in the spoiler sections! We could have avoided alot of stuff Matt: Cause i stey clear of spoilers. Ted: Well i hope nothing bad happens to me that could have been avoided HRG: Oh, and guess who's here? Nathan Petrelli! Nathan: Hey, I flew over here to apologize HRG. Sorry about beating you up back there in New York HRG: Apology accepted. Claire: Hey real daddy! Sandra: What the .. Nathan: Hello, daughter. And son. Everyone: Son! Nathan: Ted, you are my son as well Ted: HRG: Wow, you were planning on killing your own sister Haitian: Hey, HRG, you were suppose to take me to Canada to see “Company Man” on Sunday remember? HRG: Haitian, you don’t have to go cause your living it man! Haitian: OH! Nice! Nathan: Ted your mama was ... Chewbacca! Ted: What did you say about momma? You son of a ******! Jumps to attack Nathan! Thompson: Hey, Nathan is important to the story you are not! So *takes out a gun* I know what your thinking. Did I fire one bullet or 1000? Well do you feel lucky, punk. Do ya? Ted: You talking to me? Thompson: *shoots and hits ted on the shoulder* Aha! I had 1 bullet left! *Shoots ted again* Make that 2 *shoots ted yet again* Three? Ted: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! *starts to glow* Matt: Nice going HRG, bringing Thompson along HRG: I didnt. i have no clue what he's doing here. He just appeared out of no where. Haitian: I"m taking Sandra and Claire away. Remember the plan. I must stay away from Thompson HRG: Alright. Oh, Woops, I almost forgot. One more flashback. Matt: Please don’t. A man is exploding in your home! HRG: It’ll only take a second. *Flashback begins* Claude: This vasectomy is killing me Jay: Vivisection Claude: Who said that? Jay: The guy writing this fan fic. You said your line wrong and I’m fixing it Claude: You broke the fourth wall just for that Jay: Yes. Now continue please! Claude: Ok, anyways, your gonna kill me right? HRG: Yep. Claude: Then do it. If you can find me *turns invisible* HRG: Oh Claude come on! Claude: Ha! Fantastic! You cant see me you cant shoot me! I’m like the Hollow Man ******! HRG: *takes out light saber* As random as this might be, I have a light saber and I am not afraid to use it. Claude: You still cant see me *trips over a rock* Darn it. *invisibility turns off* HRG: Yes! Thats my special rock! *shoots* I got you mother ******! Claude: Ouch! HRG: *shoots 4 more times* Claude: Those are life threatening you know. And you never had a light saber did you. HRG: No. It was merely a gun disguised as a light saber. Ha! Claude: *jumps off bridge* HRG: LOL! Why did you jump off the bridge. Stupid. You have a 42% chance of survival on the bridge with those bullet wounds but now that you jumped off the bridge. Ha! You basically killed yourself. Now your dreams of becoming someone's yoda will never come true! Never! Why? Cause i am a GOD! *End Flashback* Matt: What was that at the end about you being god? HRG: Ok I added that part. That part didn’t really happen. Ted: WELL THIS IS FOR REAL THIS TIME ! ITSPLODYTIME!!!!!! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM* Thompson: Oh ******. What have I done. What have I done! No really, what did I do? HRG: lol the Haitian strikes again! Ha ha! Matt: Glasses, the tranqualizer! *Throws it to him* HRG: I have to do this alone, get out Matt! Matt: OK, *leaves* *outside* Lyle: I called the police. Matt: Why did you do that? Lyle: What do you mean? Thompson: You idiot. I had a plan to cover this but nooo, you had to bring in the police. Candice was gonna fix this and my factory was gonna care for you guys but nooo, you called the police. Well thats it. I gonna have a BF Lyle: What? Claire: He's gonna have a ****** fit! Thompson: No, i'm gonna have a big fish for lunch. i like fish Claire: oh. ok... Where's dad? Matt: He is in there trying to stop Ted. He's probably gonna die. Oh well. That means everyone's theories about HRG being the one to die will be right. Claire: What theories?! Matt: I go to 9th Wonders alot! Be quiet! Claire: I"m gonna go it to help him. Sandra: OH MY GOD! WE FORGOT MR MUGGLES! Claire: Noooo! Forget my dad and screw Ted, we need to get Mr. Muggles out of there! *runs in the house* Hello? HRG: Claire? Is that you? Come here i'm burning in here! Help! Claire: Dad! where is mr. muggles? HRG: Who cares? Claire: There he is! *pickes him up* Alright bye dad! *leaves* HRG: WHAT! Thats it that dog is as good as dead! That son of a ******! Matt: That statement is actually truth. Since a female dog is a ****** and you dog is a male. HRG: Matt? Matt: Lets get out of here Glasses. Claire: Ohkay! I'm back! Dad hand me the tranqualizer. I will go it and stop that caveman! HRG: But Claire: Dad dont worry! HRG: But.. Claire: Dad i can do it on my own! HRG: But Claire thats .. Claire: Why dont you ever believe in me!! Is it cause i have a myspace and you dont! Cause i told you many times. You aint cool until you got a myspace. Jeez. Everyone has it! Even Mr. Muggles! And .. HRG: CLAIRE! I dont give a rat's ****** about myspace or that stupid dog! I was just gonna tell you that thats the wrong tranqualizer! You would have gone in with an empty needle thingy. Here take this. Now go kill yourself, i'll be outside. Claire: Oh. Okay then! Its time for me to save the world Matt: It makes sense now. Peter Saved the Cheerleader and in turn the Cheerleader will save the world! HRG: I dont thing Ted will be the cause of the world being in danger. He's just a caveman. Matt: Sometimes one caveman can make a difference in the world. Now lets get out of here HRG. Before we die! HRG: We arent gonna die. Jay already told me we survive. Might as well just sit here and BBQ some buffalo wings! Claire: Do buffalos really have wings? Matt: Claire? Go! Claire: Oh, sorry. *Claire goes towards Ted and HRG and Matt leave.* Claire: Its getting hot in here. So take of all your clothes. Best advice in a song ever! *Claire takes off all her clothes* Ted: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! ohhh, thats nice! *takes out camera phone* Claire: Hey! You nasty pervert. Its nastier that i have no skin. I just lost all my skin cause of you Ted: Ewww. Oh, right i'm exploding Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Claire: *Tranqualizes Ted* Ted: Ahhhhhhh! Remember me as the first ever caveman to literally make fire with his bare hands! Claire: Ok, sure. Ted: Thanks. Cavemans Rulez!!!!!!!! And i love Geico!! Though i hate Geckos. AHHH! *faints* Claire: I did it. I saved my family. *walks outside and heals* HRG: There's claire. Uh. there's a naked claire *runs over there and covers her with his coat* Lyle: OMG! mom! Claire pulled a britney! She's bald! Claire: WHAT! *grabs mirror* Noooooooo!! Jay: Sorry i wanted to make it as real as possible. Claire: Jay: He .. he *runs away* HRG: Come here family *the Bennets hug* Nathan: Well, i see i'm not needed any longer. Up up and away! *flies into the sky* Oh no no no no no no no NO! Airplane! Thompson: Huh? Its raining. Matt: Why is the rain red? Thompson: OMG! Nathan: That stupid airplane. It was so far away from me yet the amount of wind its propellors produced threw my red kool aid right out of my hands. Thompson: Kool -aid? Whatever. So HRG when are you giving up Claire now that she manifested? HRG: Family, bad news. Claire will have to go away for a while. I need to bring her to the company for tests and stuff Lyle: Oh no! Sandra: Oh no! Claire: oh no! Kool Aid: Oh yeah! Bennets: Kool Aid: *Backs away slowly and runs away* Thompson: There he is! *runs* I gotta catch him and do some tests! Come back! We'll put you in the same cell we put Count Chocula! Matt: Well this was a very fun day. I learned alot. Wll i gotta go. *slips on Kool Aid and falls and hits his head on a rock* Ouch *faints agian* HRG: Special rock strikes again. Ha ha! Thompson: Lets go HRG. Matt and Kool Aid are coming with us to the factory *winks* HRG: ok, lets go. *at the company* Thompson: So it was the haitian? HRG: Yes! He tricked me. Right under my nose. Thompson: Well, Candice here who is also special will help cover up the mess. And we're taking care of Matt and Ted. HRG: What are you gonna do with Ted? Thompson: We're just gonna see what makes him spark HRG: Its probably his power Thompson: Yeah i know but .. oh never mind. Just bring Claire in. *later that day* HRG: Haitian, shoot me here and then go deep. Erase anything that'll lead them to here. Haitian: Okay, here goes HRG: Wait, Claire turn aro .. *Haitian shoots him* Ahh! Claire: Ahhhhhh! HRG: Damn you Haitian. you could wait could you. Bye Claire *hugs Claire* Claire: Bye Daddy! Jay: Hurry up. Times running out! HRG: Go deep! Claire: There has to be anothre way HRG: There isnt Haitian: Here goes again *places hand over HRG's head* *in New York: Sylar: Now its me and Mohinder's time to shine! Jay: Cut thats a rap! Sylar: No! Nooooooo! Jay! Your precog powers will be mine! I will kill you and take your brain. Jay: Uh, ok i live in 215 Reed St. #7, New York, New York 10010. Sylar: Got it. Now can anyone tell me.. Jay: *talking to Mohinder and ignoring Sylar* Sylar: You know what Screw you guys, i'm going home Jay: Wait, but Sylar: Screw you guys, home. I'm gonna get me some brrraiinzz! Jay: Oh ******. that ain't good... END