Episode 1 (4/30/08)
Farmer Wants a Wife: Series Premiere Recap Wednesday, April 30, 2008 When I first heard of the existence of Farmer Wants a Wife I thought it had to be some sort of joke. Certainly a show with such a straightforward, Snakes on a Plane type of title couldn't actually be real, right? Then I learned that it was a reality show on the CW, and soon it all made perfect sense. As the CW's commercials have made abundantly clear, the show is a complete joke, but it's a legitimate competition as well. Starting tonight, 10 city girls will compete for the affections of a 29-year-old Missouri farmer named Matt. It's like The Bachelor, but with manure and a few more ho jokes. I can't even describe the crazy hip-hop theme song that the show kicks off with. Just imagine that it's 1993 and a TLC cover band has decided to write a song called "Farmer Wants a Wife." Then imagine that they sing it during karaoke night at the local bowling alley after a few too many screwdrivers. That's what the theme song sounds like, and it clashes terribly with the remainder of the show. The city girls gather and discuss why they signed up for a cheesy CW reality series. Ashley has been cheated on by too many guys, so she thinks a nice, innocent farmer would be right for her. Lisa grew up as a Christian and remains a virgin, so obviously moving to Missouri is a natural fit. Amanda wants a guy who makes a relationship his top priority, and Josie is an outspoken Republican who has no desire to work, so she needs a man who likes to do backbreaking labor. Matt goes around his small town and lets everyone know that 10 city girls are coming to try and win his heart. I have to admit, this part of the show is pretty charming. It's nice to see how Matt's community supports him in this little stunt. The ladies arrive in Missouri and are shocked at how desolate the farming community is. There's not a Starbucks or a bikini waxing joint in sight. A school bus pulls up at the airport and the ladies pile in, ready to go meet the farmer. When Farmer Matt arrives on screen to meet the contestants, he does it in one of the most stereotypical ways imaginable. Can you guess which cliché he indulges in? Does he arrive on screen: A) In suspenders and chewing on a piece of hay, or. . . B) Line dancing to "Boot Scootin' Boogie" by Brooks & Dunn, or. . . C) Riding a tractor with his shirt off. If you guessed C, you're correct! After introducing himself to the ladies, Farmer Matt (or Farmer Butterface, as I like to call him) tells them that they'll be staying at his friend Steve's house up the street. The contestants meet Matt's mom there, and they make sure to grill her about her son as soon as possible. After the ladies get settled and Josie inquires about maid service, Matt takes them out to the chicken coop. Stephanie is terrified that the cocks are going to peck her eyes out, but Kanisha takes a bird right to her bosom. Stephanie later steps in cow dung while wearing high heels, which may be a sign that she's not built for farm life. That night at the house, the women discuss their past relationships. Josie seems like the ignorant, psycho member of the group. She admits that she would happily harass any man that dumped her, and she also thinks that money is more important than love. Wait, wait, wait. Is she saying that she came on this show for self-promotion and NOT true romance? Someone grab the smelling salts, because I think I feel a fainting spell coming on. The shock is just too much for me. The next day, Matt takes the girls to help one of the local farmers. They have to coop rowdy chickens to prepare them for the market, and whoever catches the most chickens will win immunity for the week. Farmer Butterface says that it's important for a wife to have a strong work ethic, which I suppose is something I can get behind. Stephanie isn't proving to be particularly impressive in this episode. She runs around the chicken coop squealing and waving her hands around. At least she's trying, which is more than Josie is doing. She doesn't think that a respectable woman should be seen running around chasing chickens. In the end, Krista and Kanisha tie by catching 10 chickens each. You know what that means: It's time for a coop off! Whoever is the first to catch four more chickens will win immunity. Krista tries her best, but Kanisha wrangles the birds like a pro and therefore won't be going home tonight. After the challenge, Farmer Matt decides to get to know the ladies by taking them on a hay ride. That's when he drops the bomb that he doesn't wear underwear, which is a surefire way to win a woman's heart. Stephanie reveals that she's unsure if she wants to be a farmer's wife, and Josie babbles on about George Bush and the end of the world. Matt thinks she's kind of insane, but he says that word like it's a good thing. I'm pretty sure that Josie was manufactured in a lab just to star in a reality TV show. Later she's responsible for the first Farmer Wants a Wife throwdown when she gets in an argument with Kanisha. It's not clear what they're arguing about, but it ends with Josie calling Kanisha "ghetto" and Kanisha calling her a "bitch." It's elimination time! Matt takes the girls to the barn and lines them up in front of cooped up chickens. One of the ladies doesn't have an egg under her chicken, and that's the contestant who will be going home tonight. Of course Josie has an egg, because she's reality TV gold. Stephanie is egg free, so she'll be taking her dung-stained high heels back to the big city. The elimination may be over, but the episode isn't. Matt decides that he's going to take one of the girls out on a date, and he picks Christa. They have mint juleps under a canopy, and hold hands while getting to know each other. While the romantic evening plays out, a few of the other ladies decide to toilet paper Matt's truck. What is this, junior high? The episode ends ominously as Christa sees the destruction and exclaims, "It's on!"Source: http://www.buddytv.com/articles/farmer-wants-a-wife/farmer-wants-a-wife-episode-1-18983.aspx
Farmer Wants a Wife: Series Premiere Recap Wednesday, April 30, 2008 When I first heard of the existence of Farmer Wants a Wife I thought it had to be some sort of joke. Certainly a show with such a straightforward, Snakes on a Plane type of title couldn't actually be real, right? Then I learned that it was a reality show on the CW, and soon it all made perfect sense. As the CW's commercials have made abundantly clear, the show is a complete joke, but it's a legitimate competition as well. Starting tonight, 10 city girls will compete for the affections of a 29-year-old Missouri farmer named Matt. It's like The Bachelor, but with manure and a few more ho jokes. I can't even describe the crazy hip-hop theme song that the show kicks off with. Just imagine that it's 1993 and a TLC cover band has decided to write a song called "Farmer Wants a Wife." Then imagine that they sing it during karaoke night at the local bowling alley after a few too many screwdrivers. That's what the theme song sounds like, and it clashes terribly with the remainder of the show. The city girls gather and discuss why they signed up for a cheesy CW reality series. Ashley has been cheated on by too many guys, so she thinks a nice, innocent farmer would be right for her. Lisa grew up as a Christian and remains a virgin, so obviously moving to Missouri is a natural fit. Amanda wants a guy who makes a relationship his top priority, and Josie is an outspoken Republican who has no desire to work, so she needs a man who likes to do backbreaking labor. Matt goes around his small town and lets everyone know that 10 city girls are coming to try and win his heart. I have to admit, this part of the show is pretty charming. It's nice to see how Matt's community supports him in this little stunt. The ladies arrive in Missouri and are shocked at how desolate the farming community is. There's not a Starbucks or a bikini waxing joint in sight. A school bus pulls up at the airport and the ladies pile in, ready to go meet the farmer. When Farmer Matt arrives on screen to meet the contestants, he does it in one of the most stereotypical ways imaginable. Can you guess which cliché he indulges in? Does he arrive on screen: A) In suspenders and chewing on a piece of hay, or. . . B) Line dancing to "Boot Scootin' Boogie" by Brooks & Dunn, or. . . C) Riding a tractor with his shirt off. If you guessed C, you're correct! After introducing himself to the ladies, Farmer Matt (or Farmer Butterface, as I like to call him) tells them that they'll be staying at his friend Steve's house up the street. The contestants meet Matt's mom there, and they make sure to grill her about her son as soon as possible. After the ladies get settled and Josie inquires about maid service, Matt takes them out to the chicken coop. Stephanie is terrified that the cocks are going to peck her eyes out, but Kanisha takes a bird right to her bosom. Stephanie later steps in cow dung while wearing high heels, which may be a sign that she's not built for farm life. That night at the house, the women discuss their past relationships. Josie seems like the ignorant, psycho member of the group. She admits that she would happily harass any man that dumped her, and she also thinks that money is more important than love. Wait, wait, wait. Is she saying that she came on this show for self-promotion and NOT true romance? Someone grab the smelling salts, because I think I feel a fainting spell coming on. The shock is just too much for me. The next day, Matt takes the girls to help one of the local farmers. They have to coop rowdy chickens to prepare them for the market, and whoever catches the most chickens will win immunity for the week. Farmer Butterface says that it's important for a wife to have a strong work ethic, which I suppose is something I can get behind. Stephanie isn't proving to be particularly impressive in this episode. She runs around the chicken coop squealing and waving her hands around. At least she's trying, which is more than Josie is doing. She doesn't think that a respectable woman should be seen running around chasing chickens. In the end, Krista and Kanisha tie by catching 10 chickens each. You know what that means: It's time for a coop off! Whoever is the first to catch four more chickens will win immunity. Krista tries her best, but Kanisha wrangles the birds like a pro and therefore won't be going home tonight. After the challenge, Farmer Matt decides to get to know the ladies by taking them on a hay ride. That's when he drops the bomb that he doesn't wear underwear, which is a surefire way to win a woman's heart. Stephanie reveals that she's unsure if she wants to be a farmer's wife, and Josie babbles on about George Bush and the end of the world. Matt thinks she's kind of insane, but he says that word like it's a good thing. I'm pretty sure that Josie was manufactured in a lab just to star in a reality TV show. Later she's responsible for the first Farmer Wants a Wife throwdown when she gets in an argument with Kanisha. It's not clear what they're arguing about, but it ends with Josie calling Kanisha "ghetto" and Kanisha calling her a "bitch." It's elimination time! Matt takes the girls to the barn and lines them up in front of cooped up chickens. One of the ladies doesn't have an egg under her chicken, and that's the contestant who will be going home tonight. Of course Josie has an egg, because she's reality TV gold. Stephanie is egg free, so she'll be taking her dung-stained high heels back to the big city. The elimination may be over, but the episode isn't. Matt decides that he's going to take one of the girls out on a date, and he picks Christa. They have mint juleps under a canopy, and hold hands while getting to know each other. While the romantic evening plays out, a few of the other ladies decide to toilet paper Matt's truck. What is this, junior high? The episode ends ominously as Christa sees the destruction and exclaims, "It's on!"