Celebrity Duets
I didnt know this started last night. I missed the first episode. :cry: I had assumed that ll the new reality shows didn't start until September. Here's a recap from another site. I was happy to hear that Wayne Brady is hosting the show. I like him from Whose Line is it Anyway. I hope they show the first episode again. Celebrity Duets, Episode 1: Mr. Brady’s Opus by Sting7 -- 08/30/2006 And so it begins! Celebrity Duets promises to take us where we’ve never been before! And it fulfills the promise – although some of those places we’d never want to see again. Some celebrities are surprisingly good. Others can’t leave fast enough. Who’s who? Where does Cheech Marin (right) fit in? Find out here! Wayne Brady welcomes us to the show! But not before we get to see our eight competing celebrities standing next to screens with silhouettes representing their mystery partners! Oh, yeah, there is going to plenty of canned drama on this show! Wayne tries to convince us that these celebrities singing is like putting their whole careers at stake (career-wise, some of these folks are down to their last poker chips as it is – not that big a gamble)! Wayne then introduces us to the celebrity judges – Marie Osmond, Little Richard (yes, that Little Richard) and David Foster (he’s determined to make a career out of reality television, isn’t he?). Wasting little time, we meet our first celebrity (since everyone involved in this show is a celebrity, why don’t we call the competitors “celebrities” and their pseudo-mystery partners “superstars”? Everybody got that? Good.), the suddenly blonde, and totally delicious ex-Xena, now Battlestar Galactica star, Lucy Lawless! Lucy says she worked very hard for this show and seeing who her partner was made her very nervous (but we see her jogging, basically – running off the nerves?), and it is an opportunity she couldn’t pass up. Now, for the performance… Lucy Lawless with Michael Bolton, “Time Love and Tenderness” Lucy chooses to start her number one of those poses left over from The Swan, which instantly multiplies the cheese factor by three. I cannot fight the snort. But Lucy starts singing and we see that she has a nice voice on her! Michael strolls out and joins her, and sleepwalks through his part. By the time they sing together, it never registers past nice. Lucy’s pitch, a tenuous thing to begin with, goes completely haywire when Michael joins her. My immediate thought is, “there will be better tonight.” Wayne asks Michael how nervous Lucy was. Michael puts her at ten out of ten. Michael adds she was “nice” and “fine” and we learn he was as unexcited as the rest of us, and he was there! Wayne dismisses him so the judges can have at a still nervous Lucy. Marie says Lucy had guts to go first. But she could have related to Michael a bit more. Little Richard says he liked her, but she could have projected a lot more, because “look at her! My my my. I was born at night but not last night!” If you have any idea what that meant, let me know. David agrees that Little Richard is babbling. To Lucy, he says she couldn’t have picked a better song. (Really?) Alphonso Ribeiro says he’s learned in his career to always give 100%, but he wasn’t sure how he was going to deal with his duet partner. He sure seems happy about who it is, though… Alphonso Ribeiro with Michelle Williams, “I Knew You Were Waiting” Alphonso is in rhythm from the very start, nailing every note George Michael originally sang, and Michelle Williams from Destiny’s Child (with Beyonce around, you know Michelle basically sang the hooks), does a pretty reasonable Aretha Franklin. Together, they are terrific! Alphonso does remember to look her in the eyes while he’s singing, while giving plenty to the audience. Nice, nice job. Wayne asks if Alphonso can be a Destiny’s Man-Child (they broke up, Wayne!). Michelle notes a lack of stilettos (she is taller than he is in heels), but says he was very good. The judges agree. Marie says that was a duet, and Alphonso set the bar for the night. Little Richard claims to have known Alphonso since 1957 or something, but says he didn’t know Alphonso could sing like that. He’s very good. David says he wanted to hate him, but Alphonso can really sing. He’s not sure about the dance moves, but he can sing! Carly Patterson is an Olympic champion gymnast and she says all she knows how to do is train. She’s accomplished everything she wanted to as a gymnast, and thinks she can do the same with her voice. Her superstar is someone she’s listened to on the radio and she can’t believe this is happening. She’s ready to start right now! Carly Patterson with James Ingram, “Somewhere Out There” Somewhere out there, Carly had a better night. For a gymnast with such amazing tricks, her voice has none at all. James Ingram, champion that he is, does his best – effortlessly harmonizing with her mildly off-key warbling to help get them both in the pocket. It almost works. At one point, he lets her take it, but she’s like a kid on bike who still needs training wheels. Yikes. James says she had great work ethic in the studio. That’s as good as he can get. Judges? Marie says this situation is most alien for Carly, just have a little more fun with it. Just relax a little. Little Richard says she got more confident when James joined her, and believes that she can and she will. David thinks she could do well in the competition, but she will have to do better than she just did. Cheech Marin says he’s had to sing in character, which usually meant badly, and now he gets to sing in key. He hopes. Cheech says he is singing with one of the best-selling artists of all time. He knows he’ll have to bring it. Cheech Marin with Peter Frampton, “Baby I Love Your Way” Cheech looks sooo nervous! Given a song that is not demanding on the vocal chords at all, Cheech still struggles a bit with his pitch and his phrasing. Being joined by Peter Frampton doesn’t help, since Peter plays with the pocket and his own phrasing, making Cheech look even more like an amateur. Thanks a lot, Peter. Wayne asks how Cheech ranks with all of the other people Peter has dueted with. Peter gives a great political answer that no one will remember – it is perfect. Judges? Marie says Cheech must be careful with his phrasing. Little Richard says he didn’t know Cheech could sing, and doesn’t think Cheech knows either. Cheech doesn’t sound sure. “You need to put up the mustard and ketchup!” is Richard’s verdict. David says Cheech (clearly) doesn’t have the best voice in the world, but he makes David smile. That smells like doom, Cheech! Lea Thompson says she dreams of being a rock star and thinks she sings too hard. She will be singing with a five-time Grammy winner! Who?! Lea Thompson with Randy Travis, “Forever and Ever Amen” Lea starts with a bluesy reading that sounds uncomfortable. Randy arrives and things get a little better. She does a nice bit of harmonizing with Randy, who doesn’t help her much. Her pitch gets wonky, and Randy sounds bored. This could be trouble. Randy says she was great in the studio, she knew all the words and could sing the harmony parts, “which is more than I can do!” At least he admits it. Marie gives kudos for her harmonizing ability, and says Randy is not easy to sing with – she’s done it. Little Richard says he loves country, and she did very well. David says the blues licks bothered him, and she should stay away from that, but she’s the first to actually harmonize, and he likes that. Jai Rodriguez figures there will be a lot of crying and a lot of make-up, and he pretty much fulfills that prophecy when he hears who he’s singing with. He calls his mom, of course. She has a little freakout of her own! Jai Rodriguez with Gladys Knight, “Since I Fell For You” Jai is brimming with confidence as he immediately stylizes the opening lyrics, and to his credit, he sounds pretty good. The audience is in the palm of his hand from the jump. Then comes Gladys Knight, and what she doesn’t know about singing ain’t worth knowing! Together, they are playful, saucy, even a little sexy! They are brilliant! The bar has just been raised. Wayne says he’s not even going to bother with questions, the audience is giving them a standing O! Gladys says Jai was born to do this, and he must use his gift. Marie says it was fabulous and loves his communication with the audience. Little Richard said he sang that song when he was 14, and Jai was fantastic. David says Jai set the bar for sure. Chris Jericho says we will see his more sensitive side in his song. He says he has always been an underdog, and that’s never stopped him before; won’t stop him now. Chris Jericho with Lee Ann Womack, “Mendecino County Line” Chris Jericho has always been one of my favorite wrestlers, but I may lose any chance of being one of his favorite writers if he ever reads this. It’s just horrible. Nerves, maybe, but he sings in one monotone, and even that isn’t in key. Poor Lee Ann Womack has no idea what to do with him. He keeps making this hand gesture like he wants to touch her, or maybe he’s urging the song to be over (I couldn’t blame him), but it all adds to the squirming level discomfort. Hoo boy. Lee Ann tries to escape before she has to compliment him. Can Chris Jericho be a country singer? He can do whatever he wants, she says. Nice job, Lee Ann. Marie says he’s cute, but his pitch was a problem. Little Richard says he has potential. I think. David says he must get more from Chris on the next song, he must. Indeed! Hal Sparks says he’s done plenty of singing – in the places we all have done plenty of singing, like the car and grocery line! The superstar he’s performing with unnerves him. We will soon see he has good reason to be. Hal Sparks with Smokey Robinson, “Tracks of My Tears” Poor Hal is all over the place. He starts off with an ill-fitting falsetto. Then he goes a key too low. He seems relieved to introduce Smokey and let him drive. Smokey sings like hot butter oozing off a pancake, as he always does. Hal tries to rock his side up, and manages to knock Smokey off-base for a second. When is this over? Hal seems to give up trying to be impressive and just sings his way out with Smokey with an embarrassed smile. Poor, poor Hal. Smokey says, “he did it! He did it! Man did he blow!” Note how he doesn’t say, “he was good”? Judges? Marie says the audience loved him, but thinks the song was in the wrong key (I think he just sang it wrong). Little Richard says the song was high, but everything Smokey does is high, but it was an effort. David says he’s not sure about Smokey, and he hated the falsetto. I did too. For her second number of the night, Lea draws Michael Bolton. Lea Thompson with Michael Bolton, “That’s Life” Michael Bolton is doing an album of Frank Sinatra songs. That’s good for him, but for Lea and the rest of us, it’s an issue. Lea really needs to work on her vocal control, because she fairly screeches through this number. I think she scared Michael. Marie thinks it was 100 times better. (Really?) Little Richard politely stumbles that he liked the other song better. David thinks this suits Lea better, but that’s not saying much. For her second number, Carly Patterson draws Lee Ann Womack. Carly Patterson, with Lee Ann Womack, “I Hope You Dance” I think this is one of the most beautiful country songs ever written, and Carly’s sweet voice seems to work. It seems like Lee Ann does 75% of the singing, but when Carly does sing, she isn’t terrible. Not great either, but better than the first song, where she was so horribly exposed. Marie says it was better than the first number, for sure. Little Richard says she should keep working and she could do this. David says if he had Carly in the studio, he would definitely make sure this was the kind of song she sang. For his second song, Alphonso draws James Ingram. Alphonso Ribeiro with James Ingram, “Yah Mo B There” Alphonso takes Michael McDonald’s part in this number and I thought he was doomed. No way! Alphonso is good! In fact, it is James who has a vocal blowout! Alphonso beats James Ingram!! Marie loves him and loves the show too! Woo! Little Richard says, “You got what it takes, and it takes what you got!” David is less impressed, saying Alphonso has nice vocal tricks, but he sang out of tune. Chris Jericho draws Peter Frampton for his second number. Chris Jericho with Peter Frampton, “Signed Sealed Delivered” Peter Frampton kicks things off a bit off-kilter, and Chris Jericho alone can’t entirely right the ship. Vocally, they are just okay, but they have great energy! Chris looks like he’s in Heaven! Marie says this was better than the first number, but was afraid Chris’ energetic intro was going to lead in to a body slam on Peter. Little Richard is completely flustered, and bats, “Here I am! Signed, sealed, delivered, I’m yours!” David says Chris stepped it up and he appreciates it. Lucy Lawless draws Smokey Robinson for song number two. Lucy Lawless with Smokey Robinson, “Ooh Baby Baby” Poor Smokey, he can’t quite get as high as he used too, but he’s such a professional, he bends it to where he is now. Lucy just oozes as much as Smokey. With some work, Lucy could actually have a career at this! Marie says Lucy was so gorgeous, the audience may have watched more than listened. But Marie commends her for adjusting her voice for the song. Little Richard says it “made my big toe shoot up into my boot!” and it knocked him to his knees. David said visually he was caught up also, but when he closed his eyes, it was still good. He thinks she and Smokey may win an award! On his second number, Hal Sparks draws Gladys Knight. Hal Sparks with Gladys Knight, “I Heard It Through The Grapevine” Hal is much better with Gladys, but vocally, Hal, poor Hal, is probably the weakest of the male singers. Together, though, they ignite! It works! Hal, though, may be in trouble. Marie reminds Hal the audience loves him, but Marie says he was a bit “white.” Little Richard babbles incomprehensibly. David says if Hal keeps singing like that, he’ll become a believer. Cheech Marin draws Randy Travis for his second song. Cheech Marin with Randy Travis, “Digging Up Bones” The buddy vibe Randy and Cheech work up is a winning combination. Cheech has a functional voice… Nowhere near Jai or Alphonso, but with Randy’s laid back style, it is a perfect compliment. Marie says Cheech should smile just a little more during the song. Little Richard invites him to grab the bone. Oh my god. David says Cheech does not have the best voice, he probably won’t win this competition, but he won’t be going home tonight. (That guarantees that when America starts voting, Cheech will overstay his welcome!) Jai Rodriguez draws Michelle Williams. Jai Rodriguez with Michelle Williams, “Say My Name” Interestingly, when Destiny’s Child recorded this song, Michelle wasn’t in the group. So getting to sing Beyonce’s parts is probably a first. Jai is so primed for this competition. He and Michelle draw some sexy heat and make it work! Jai has got to be the favorite. Marie loved the moves and the outfit, and the band rocks. Little Richard loved it and says it was dynamite. David echoes me AGAIN and says Jai is leading the pack. In this first week, the judges will eliminate someone. Next week, America is in control. But I think Carly, Lea, and Chris may have reason to worry. I think it should be Carly, she just looks like a deer in the headlights, and sound like a deer caught in a trap. But she’s a woman and she’s tiny and the judges have shown they can’t beat her up. That means Chris is going to go home. Dammit. One by one, Wayne announces the names of the celebrities moving on to next week. It comes down to Carly Patterson and Chris Jericho. And leaving tonight is… Chris Jericho. Dammit. Next week, America, we are in control! This could be cool! Let’s do it again, next Thursday night, when the show moves into its regular timeslot! http://www.realitynewsonline.com/cgi-bin/ae.pl?mode=4&article=article6399.art&page=1

Celebrity Duets, September 7: Duet to It! by Sting7 -- 09/08/2006 It’s week two of our singing celebrity extravaganza! The seven remaining celebrities have all gotten through the first week, some shining brighter than others. Gold medal-winning gymnast Carly Patterson (right) did more stumbling than tumbling last week, can she recover tonight? Wayne Brady welcomes us. We get a recap of last week’s performances, and relive the exit of Chris Jericho. Our sitting judges remain Marie Osmond, Little Richard, and David Foster. We are reminded that this week, America is in control. Our votes will determine who is leaving the show! So let’s get to it! Hal Sparks is still smarting from Marie’s comment that he was a bit “white” last week. He tells us he’s definitely in this competition to win it, though he jokes that he couldn’t even make his church choir! Hal Sparks, with Wynonna: “I Want To Know What Love Is” Hal takes the first set of lyrics by himself, and he sounds much better than he did last week! He has his pitch and he’s dead on it! Wynonna joins him from the shadows and maintains the pitch he started. Very nice! Together, Hal gets a bit screechy, but Wynonna manages to match his intensity and keeps him from sounding completely deranged (a lot of this competition is going to be based on how good of a duet partner the Superstars are! We are already seeing some give more than others!). It’s a good showing. Wayne asks how singing with Hal compares with singing with Naomi Judd. She doesn’t really answer, but she seemed to have a good time. Marie says he has soul and, “Hal to the chief!” Little Richard says Hal rose to the occasion tonight. David says good job, but he wishes Hal didn’t go from “zero to ten” so fast, understanding that they only have a minute to sing. Hal understands the comment. Me too. Lea learns she will be singing with the lead singer of one of the greatest pop bands of all time. She gets some assistance from her daughter, who tells her to “feel the music, Mom!” Kid knows what she’s talking about! Lea Thompson, with Belinda Carlisle: “Heaven Is a Place on Earth” Lea starts out energetically, but again, her vocal control seems out of whack. She always seems like a runaway freight train when she starts. Belinda joins in and manages to temper Lea. Together, they harmonize nicely, but… eh. Belinda says she knew Lea was a great singer, but was surprised by how well the voices blended together. Marie says Lea’s energy was great at the beginning and she held her own with Belinda. Little Richard says Lea reminded him of Tina Turner at the beginning – “the legs, not the voice!” (That gets an ‘ohhhh!’ From the crowd.) And he adds she’s already a princess, he wants to make her a queen. Is he even qualified for that?! David notes that Lea said she didn’t want to disappoint her kids, and she didn’t. Cheech says to his Latino fans that a vote for him is a step closer to citizenship! He loves to sing and would take a recording contract in a second. I don’t think he should be waiting by the phone. Cheech Marin, with Clint Black: “Been There” Cheech is spirited in his intro, singing on pitch and has a nice little groove going. Clint arrives and does a very nice job harmonizing with Cheech. He plays a mean harmonica too! Very nice performance! Wayne asks about the difference between singing with Cheech and his wife, Lisa Hartman. Clint says something scary about kissing and pink tutus. The audience just gapes in horror. Marie says he was great and put “a little reach in the Cheech!” Little Richard babbles that Cheech “found something in the closet besides clothes!” No idea. David notes that Cheech is the only celebrity to have a hit record, but he will not make it to the end. (That will get him some sympathy votes for sure. Thanks.) Alfonso Ribeiro says he has to work harder, after David said he was off-key. He’s struggling to balance his day job as a director with the rehearsals. Did he pull it off? Alfonso Ribeiro, with Jeffrey Osborne: “On the Wings of Love” To begin, Alfonso seems to try to match Jeffrey’s key, which is too low for him. Doesn’t fit. Jeffrey comes out and rights the ship. By the bridge, Alfonso is back in the pocket, and they finish strong. He saved it! Jeffrey says it was incredible working with Alfonso; he was prepared and is a true professional. Marie says he did a good job with Jeffrey, and liked how he went off into the audience. I have no idea what Little Richard say, but he seems pleased. David says Alfonso was in tune, but stop with the dancing. He doesn’t like it. (Jeez, does David have it out for Alfonso??) Carly says she thought she would get the boot last week, but she’s playing catch-up now. She promises America they will like what she does now. Carly Patterson, with Anita Pointer: “I’m So Excited” Carly starts off with plenty of energy, but pitchy and her vibrato fails to show up. Anita arrives and immediately blows her off the stage. In their “duet,” Carly is resigned to being a backup singer, while Anita riffs like the pro she is. I haven’t seen this kind of slaughter since Aretha Franklin snatched the mike out of Celine Dion’s hand at “Divas.” No time to talk to Anita. Judges? Marie says Carly pushed the boundaries like a champion. Little Richard says Carly “made a point.” David says Carly came a long way, and has a long way to go. Carly’s attitude is fantastic, though. She takes the criticism and vows she’s going to do it. She’s so cute. Sigh. Jai is suffering through a sore throat. He is worried that he will be off-pitch, but he’s going to fight through it. Jai Rodriguez, with Brian McKnight: “Back to One” Jai is not at the top of his game, there are some tiny cracks in the armor, but he’s still way beyond half of the competition. Brian McKnight appears and takes ownership of his song. Jai looks relieved to hand over the reigns, and while by the end of the song he’s probably glad this one is over, he did just fine. Get out of here, Brian! Judges? Marie says while Jai may not have been feeling well, his performance was definitely “sick.” (In a good way.) Little Richard said he liked Jai last week, likes him today too. David says Jai held his own, he did great. Lucy Lawless, the talk of the water coolers last week, has enlisted the help of a vocal coach. She didn’t think she was on last week, and is determined to be better tonight. Lucy Lawless, with Kenny Loggins: “Whenever I Call You Friend” Lucy is gorgeous in pitch and vision, and whatever work she put in last week, it worked! Kenny Loggins arrives and saves her from some of the tougher parts of the song. Lucy handles most of the Stevie Nicks portions of the original and mimics the harmony nicely. I think she misses the pocket a couple of times, like she is waiting for Kenny for some of the words, but she should feel satisfied. Marie says she missed some words (I thought so too!), but everyone “loves Lucy.” Little Richard babbles something about “tutti fruity” and she was alright. I don’t know. David Foster says he didn’t look at her, just listened – it was not bad, but not good. Wayne reminds us that the decision is America’s, and as an American, here is how I saw it: Alfonso Jai Lucy Hal Lea Cheech Carly I think America will also put Cheech and Carly in the bottom two. Carly’s decimation was so complete, I don’t think even her wonderful spirit about the competition can save her. Am I right? We will find out tomorrow!

Celebrity Duets, September 8: The Second Cut Is… Pretty Deep by Sting7 -- 09/09/2006 Last week, the judges made the elimination. This week, America has control! Not only will someone get cut, but there is another set of performances on tap! Who outsings their superstar? Does Little Richard blab the result? Did a nasty sore throat stop the music for Jai Rodriguez (right)? Read on to find out who stays and who goes! Wayne Brady welcomes us to a “results show like no other.” Tonight, one of the seven remaining celebrities is heading home. But first (I love Julie Chen!), a recap of Thursday night’s show. Then, a group number! The seven celebrities do a spirited “One Way Or Another.” Cheech and Carly are so outclassed, but it is entertaining! Let’s say hello to the judges – Marie Osmond, Little Richard, and David Foster. Marie says her favorite moments were Clint Black playing harmonica and Wynonna singing. Wayne says Wynonna was scary. Marie says she wasn’t scared. Wayne quips, “when I think of ghetto-tough, I think Marie!” Little Richard says his favorite moment was seeing “that lady’s” Tina Turner legs, but not the Tina Turner voice – Wayne interrupts him to ask if that was a backhanded insult. Little Richard says he doesn’t use the backhand, he uses the fronthand! My eyes. Richard adds he liked Brian McKnight. David says he also like Jai and Brian McKnight. The celebrities will sing another duet with their superstar tonight, and then find out if they are in the bottom three. Yesterday, I predicted Lea Thompson, Cheech Marin, and Carly Patterson will be at the bottom of the heap. We see some footage of Lucy Lawless working with Kenny Loggins. She learns he is a taskmaster, but she enjoyed herself. Lucy performs “Footloose” with Kenny Loggins. She seems even more at ease with Kenny than she did last night! Some of the fringe on her dress gets caught in Kenny’s guitar at the end, but they untangle quickly. Lucy says she would like to survive another week. Wayne reads her results. She’s safe! Carly says she knew as soon as she met Anita Pointer (it’s like she hasn’t aged a day in the last 20 years!!), they would work well together. Anita says Carly has guts. Indeed. Together, they perform “Jump.” There are moments where the harmonies are pretty nice, but whenever Carly sings alone, I just wince. Wayne reads her results. Carly learns she is in the bottom three. Wayne asks the judges if they are surprised by the results so far (of course not!). Marie says she isn’t surprised and veers off to talk about the horn section. Little Richard says he “expected” to see Carly go home tonight. Wayne reminds Richard the show isn’t over yet. Richard gets all flustered and hopes he said it right (I think Richard just blew the reveal). David chides Marie for taking too long with her comments again, and Richard for being incomprehensible, and finishes with “no.” Alfonso Ribeiro likes singing with Jeffrey Osborne, but has trouble with all the lyrics. He thinks “Stay With Me Tonight” is the “wordiest song ever!” (Hmmm. Maybe if Alfonso does “We Didn’t Start the Fire” with Billy Joel, or “It’s The End of the World As We Know It” with Michael Stipe, he might rethink that one.) With Jeffrey, Alfonso sings the allegedly wordy “Stay With Me Tonight,” and it’s Jeffrey who seems a bit off! It sounds like he missed a cue, or was surprised by something and his breathing is off. Alfonso completely outsings him in the first set of lyrics! Jeffrey pulls himself together and by the end, they look like a couple of pros! Wayne reads Alfonso’s results. Alfonso is safe! Clint says he’s honored to sing with a comedy legend like Cheech, but the song choice is a little skeevy for him. He’s used to singing this song to his wife. Together, Cheech and Clint sing “Spend My Time,” but Cheech is flat as a board. Even Clint can’t save him. Flat as the proverbial pancake. Wayne reads Cheech’s results. Cheech is in the bottom three. Wayne comforts Cheech with, “you’re still here… until you’re not.” Jai said he had fun with the two women he sang with last week, but he was intimidated by Brian McKnight. Brian tells him to relax and take it wherever he wants. Together, they sing Earth Wind and Fire’s “Shining Star.” Huh? I’m betting clearances for Brian’s songs must have been a hassle. But it’s a clever song choice! Jai does Philip Bailey’s high parts and together they are excellent! Wayne reads Jai’s results. Jai is safe! That means either Hal Sparks or Lea Thompson is in the bottom three! Lea was thrilled to learn she was singing with Belinda Carlisle. Belinda thinks Lea would have made a good Go-Go. (If you ever saw the Behind the Music on the Go-Gos, you should be horrified at the notion!) Belinda and Lea take on “I Get Weak” and Belinda oozes through it like she always has, while Lea sounds like a Chihuahua yapping at Belinda’s ankles. Gawd. Wayne tells Lea… she has to wait to find out her results. Wynonna says she was nervous about singing with Hal, since she’s only had one duet partner throughout her career. (What? She’s sang duets with other people!!). She thought it was like a blind date. In the end, she says they are both rock stars in their “own minds.” Together, either Wynonna misses her cue on “No One Else On Earth” or her mike was out. She does plenty of vamping, and Hal is a bit screechy again. He’s doing that zero to ten thing again. Take it easy, Hal. They are entertaining, but a little tough on the ears, I gotta say. Wayne brings out Lea to find out whether she or Hal is in the bottom three. The unlucky celebrity is… Lea. (Wooo! Nailed it! Just as I predicted it!) Lea is joined by Carly and Cheech at center stage. Wayne is prepared to send someone back to couch, Idol-style. Carly is safe! (What??) Wayne asks for the envelope announcing who is leaving (he reminds us they are singing for charity money, “it’s not like they are going to die!”). That envelope is delivered by Toby Keith! What the --? Toby is going to sing a song. Argh. I’m too annoyed to tell you what he sang or who that woman is singing with him. Get on with it!! The person leaving tonight is… Lea Thompson. I’d love to tell you more about that, but the show ran long and my trusty TiVo didn’t! Wow. I thought Carly or Cheech would be out for sure. I didn’t think Lea was as bad as those two by any stretch of the imagination. But, America, you have spoken. Can Carly continue to improve? Will Hal stop screeching? How long will Cheech’s charm keep him alive? And, can anyone stop Jai or Alfonso from winning? Let’s find out next week!

Celebrity Duets, September 14: Duet ‘Til You’re Satisfied by Sting7 -- 09/15/2006 Only six celebrities remaining. Tonight, the judges get down to actual judging. Some of them anyway. The frontrunners are even getting tough love! Who’s critique makes them want to fight? Who is flatly told they don’t belong anymore? Can Lucy Lawless pull off another winning performance? Find out here! So far, Celebrity Duets has been quite a surprise! The celebrities, for the most part, can sing pretty well and the superstars are legit superstars! Not a one-hit wonder yet! Lea Thompson’s exit last week was a bit of a surprise, since she was hardly the worst of the lot (Carly, Cheech). But, as we have seen with American Idol, personality does count. Carly so badly wants to do well, she’s racking up the sympathy points. Cheech has no delusions. He’s just out there doing the best he can. And, he’s already an icon. He, maybe more than the others, has a built-in audience ready to support him! It remains to be seen if, like Idol, the eliminations, though out of skew, eventually balance out and the best make the finals. Wayne Brady welcomes us. Wayne sounds a bit hoarse tonight as he reminds us the celebrities are competing for a cash prize to donate to charity. I don’t believe I mentioned that before, but it’s worth noting. Wayne then introduces us to the celebrity judges – Marie Osmond, Little Richard (once again, out-dressing Marie, and maybe prettier) and David Foster (wearing a jacket, in defiance of his Simon-esque role on this show). Lucy Lawless is up first and she hopes for a female partner. Apparently, she got her wish, but as the saying goes… be careful what you wish for. The mystery artist has Lucy very intimidated. And, the song is no breeze for her either. Lucy Lawless with Dionne Warwick, “I Say A Little Prayer” Lucy starts in an oddly low key and it’s not a complete success. Dionne joins her, her voice deepened with age, and together… I don’t know. Lucy is hard to hear (can we turn her mike up please?), and Dionne isn’t giving her much. Not great. Dionne is gone (I think they have done away with the celebrity interviews). Marie says she thinks Lucy was timid in her performance. Little Richard says something about Kool-Aid and then says she needs to be more soulful. David says he “kinda liked it,” but he wants her to sing higher. Hey look, there’s John Walsh! Is one of the celebrities on the run? Has Cheech been misbehaving? Ahem. Alfonso recognizes that Jai is his primary competition. Suddenly, he realizes he has a sore throat. He’s not sure if he can sing! Alfonso Ribeiro with Deniece Williams, “Too Much Too Little Too Late” Alfonso starts off pretty rough. That sore throat is putting him through it, it appears. Deniece shows up with that trademark vibrato of hers, and together they sound fine. The voices are meshing very well together. But, when Alfonso sings alone, he definitely sounds affected. Still, like Jai, even sick, he’s among the best of the show. Marie says he always finds great ways to end his songs, but adds he has a move he does with everyone that takes away from the duet. Little Richard says his big toe shot up again, and the rest was lost. David says he did a good job, just don’t whine about being sick. (Jai didn’t get that last week!) Carly says she was shaken when she heard she was in the bottom three last week, but she is relieved to get paired with one of her favorite singers. Carly says singing is what she wants to do as a career. Carly Patterson with Jesse McCartney, “Beautiful Soul” Carly begins singing in a high register, which isn’t horrible, but it’s still off. Jesse comes out, and he’s not much better, frankly. In fact, I closed my eyes, and I’m not sure who was who! Jesse gets a lot of mileage out of being cute, but he’s not the kind of duet partner Carly needs. This was mediocre, at the most generous. Marie warns Carly that the judges are being more constructive. She says Carly’s voice is loosening, but the body is still tight. Little Richard says he’s got the horse, he hopes she has her buggy. (Heh?)_He continues, I guess, that she’s come a long way, but she still has a long way to go (that’s exactly what David said last week!). David says Carly has to work on singing from her diaphragm. Hal says he has a distinct singing style and that his pushing is interpreted as not being able to sing. (Hal. Please!) He says he’s going to do his thing and hopes that will break through every one’s opinion. Hal Sparks with Dennis DeYoung, “Come Sail Away” Hal starts off “pushing” as he calls it, but it still sounds like cracks in the vocals to me. Then comes Dennis singing as smooth as a 1,000 count sheet, exposing Hal horrifically. Fortunately, Dennis is a pro enough to effortlessly and perfectly harmonize with Hal, so that together, they sounded great! Man, did Hal get lucky! Marie says Hal is reinventing himself, good job. Little Richard says he is using a lot of feeling, and he hopes he feels what he’s using. He also wants to see more soul. David says he believes Hal thinks Hal is a rock star. David does not believe this is so. Hal says a rock star would beat David up right now! I like Hal a lot, but he came off oddly cocky tonight. That’s going to hurt him. Cheech says he’s not worried about David’s comments or his bottom three showing last week. He’s excited about his partner, too. Cheech Marin with Aaron Neville, “Ain’t No Sunshine” Cheech growls through the opening lyrics and ends flat. Yikes. Aaron arrives with his feathery voice, starts off rocky himself, and I find myself cringing at the thought of them together. It takes a lot of skill to sing with Aaron Neville. They rarely sing together; Cheech does most of the work. That is most unfortunate. Marie says charm and personality are Cheech’s strong points, but does not think he has improved to the level of the others. Little Richard says, “it ain’t there” and reminds us he is the architect and the originator (I was wondering when we were going to have to hear about that again!), “ain’t no sunshine, she gone!” David says simply, “You don’t belong here anymore.” That guarantees that Cheech will be back. Suddenly, Wayne is singing “My Girl” to Marie, who shies away from singing herself. He also offers a thesaurus that will interpret Little Richard’s comments. I need one of those! Jai is worried that his great critiques have raised the bar for him. He loves the artist he is singing with, but the key is very high and makes him nervous. Jai Rodriguez with Taylor Dayne, “Tell It To My Heart” Jai shouldn’t have worried -- he blazes through his lyrics. Taylor Dayne arrives, ageless, and its one of those times its hard to tell who the superstar is! Especially when Taylor misses her cue! Oops! Together, they are great, and once again, Jai has won the night! Marie says Jai is great at relating to the camera, but thinks the choreography was awkward, him backing up blindly across the stage. (Wayne interrupts to say that Jai didn’t choreograph the routine, to which Marie says Jai could have spoken up about it if he didn’t agree with the choice. Jai accepts this feedback enthusiastically.) Little Richard says he “picked it up and pulled it out and put it in!” (Jai looks puzzled, and so do I!). I think Richard enjoyed himself. David says he likes the way Jai sings, but tonight “it was a big miss.” (Oh come on. David, give us a break! And, Carly wasn’t?) Here’s how I would rank them: Jai Alfonso Lucy And the bottom three: Hal Carly Cheech Going home, as much as I hate to say this… will be Hal! Hal really came off badly. Cheech was read the death sentence, and he’ll be rescued. Folks feel sorry for Carly and will save her too. Sorry, Hal. Am I right? Let’s meet here tomorrow and see!

Celebrity Duets, September 15: Duet To Me One More Time by Sting7 -- 09/16/2006 The eliminations keep on coming! The six are about to become five when one of our celebrities is sent packing. Will a night without Little Richard bring comprehensible critique? Can the wave of sympathy votes continue to keep Cheech Marin afloat? Find out here. Wayne Brady welcomes us. He tells us that the celebrities are feeling the pressure tonight! No doubt, after the rough treatment they got from the judges! Wayne takes us back to relive Thursday night, which you can read all about here. Next, our celebrities sing Earth Wind and Fire’s “September.” Nothing new is learned – Jai and Alfonzo are the class of the field, Cheech and Carly are flat enough to redefine a straight line. “September” is a song that just can’t be done badly. Lucky for all of us. Wayne reintroduces the judges, though Little Richard had a prior engagement. Wayne asks who the judges think will be leaving. Marie first says David Foster should after his comments last night. Then she adds that Hal Sparks, her husband, and probably Cheech will be waiting for David in the parking lot. Oh, and she thinks Cheech is going, but hopes its not Alfonzo. She thinks he’s been delivering every week. (Me too.) David agrees he hopes its not Alfonzo, but thinks Jai slipped a little and Carly came up some. (Really??) Now it’s time for some new duets – not for official judging, but just for fun… and to fill the hour of this show. Jai says he is worried about singing with Taylor Dayne, and the song is tough. The song in question is “Love Will Lead You Back.” Taylor starts it off rich and strong, Jai joins her in mid-stride and right on pace. Together they are outstanding, maybe the duet of the season. Jai can blow! Oh. Wait. I’m leaving it. Jai says he is confused by the judges’ comments, he thinks he’s been pretty good, considering he’s been doing R&B and its not his genre. Wayne says despite what David said last night, Jai is safe! Carly is all a-twitter over Jesse McCartney (no relation to Paul). She thinks she can pull herself together. Jesse thinks some of his songs are more girl-songs after hearing her sing them. Some would say his songs were girl-songs after he sang them! Not me. I would never. Carly and Jesse sing “Right Where You Want Me.” And this song is right where she needs to be! It is her best performance to date! If she sang like this last night, I wouldn’t even put her in the bottom three. After the performance, there are some young girls who seem to want to rush the stage, and are stopped in their tracks! Jesse takes it in stride, but Wayne plays up calling off security. Security hazard that he is, Jesse is led off stage. Carly says the difference is she was singing with someone her own age and she felt more comfortable. But, once again, Wayne tells her she is in the bottom three. Wayne asks the marauding fourteen-year-olds what they would have done if they had made it to the stage. “You don’t want to know!” is the answer. I think she’s right. My eyes. Cheech is having hard time with the timing in singing with Aaron Neville. He thinks last night was the bomb. (It was a bomb, anyway.) But Cheech seems confident! He and Aaron are “Sittin’ On the Dock of the Bay” and Cheech isn’t all bad. It’s a good key for him. But he has no idea how to harmonize with Aaron. Fortunately, Aaron is handling harmonies, and the result is not so bad. But not good either. So long, Cheech. Aaron is excused without anyone rushing the stage for him. Cheech says he is taking the competition very seriously, and if he stays, he’s going to have more fun. Starting with Marie. (Ha!) Marie may not have to lose any sleep fending off Pepe LeCheech, he’s in the bottom three. Deniece Williams is impressed with Alfonzo’s preparation. She also instructs him that a good duet must show the relationship of the two people. To demonstrate this, she and Alfonzo sing “It’s Gonna Take a Miracle” and they are fantastic. It looks like Alfonzo is over that sore throat! (The wicked Stinger was hoping they would try to make “Let’s Hear It For the Boy” into a duet! Tee-hee!) Alfonzo says he can’t help but feel the music, despite the judges’ comments. He does a pretty good Little Richard impression, and then Wayne reminds us Alfonzo will do the Carlton Dance if he makes the finals. That dance just may happen, because Alfonzo is safe! This leaves Hal Sparks and Lucy Lawless, who I had at four and three, respectively, for the night! This could go either way! Wayne asks the judges what it will take to win. “A lot of phone calls,” deadpans Marie. She adds they will have to be the whole package. David says the performances have to “take us on a journey” like Alfonzo just did. Dionne gives Lucy some pointers, and tells us she was quite impressed. She thinks things will go very well tonight. Is she right? Dionne kicks off “I’ll Never Love This Way Again.” Dionne has sung this song a zillion times, and she sounds like it. It does not challenge her in the slightest. Lucy is not so lucky. She struggles with her end of the bargain, mightily. Pitchy, offkey, pitchy, flat, offkey. It is a symphony of wrongness. Lucy says she tried to channel her inner drama queen for the song. She should have changed the channel. Wayne says she’ll have to wait for the results, after a performance from… Hal Sparks! He and Dennis DeYoung do a good amount of clowning. But they get to work eventually. That fun is a needed ingredient for their song, “Mr. Roboto,” ladies and gentleman! Hal has a ball mugging with the Mr. Roboto mask. Singing with Dennis, Hal seems right in his element. Maybe Dennis told him to knock off his pseudo-rock push. He’s better off without it. Nice job! Wayne notes that Dennis told Hal he is made for rock, while David says Hal is no rock star. Hal says since Dennis is a rock star, and David produces Celine Dion, he’s listening to Dennis. Lucy is brought out to the stage, and she playfully throws an arm over Hal’s shoulder. Why not? Neither of them are leaving, with Carly and Cheech in the bottom three! So who is joining them? Lucy or Hal? Wayne tells us one of them is the bottom three, and the other is the week’s top vote getter! Who’s in the bottom three? It’s… Hal. (Three for three!) Carly, Cheech, and Hal are in the hotseat. But, one of them is going back to couch right now. It’s… Cheech? What the --? So, Hal or Carly is leaving us tonight. Please be Carly. But Hal came off so cocky, he really may be in trouble. Threatening to beat up a judge historically does not work (right, Josh Gracin?). Six are about to become five. Marie says she feels a bit surprised to see the bottom two, but they both should be proud. David is shocked, he says he has no idea what’s going to happen. Who is leaving? Hal… is safe. Carly has been put out of our misery… I mean, her misery. She may not have been so great here, but she is a gold medallist, so who cares what I think? Tell me to eff off, Carly! Carly gets a funeral video. She swears she’s going to sing, and I won’t put it past her. She had the determination to win the gold, why bet against her? Good luck. Cheech escapes again, Hal gets a wake-up call, and Jai and Alfonzo must be wondering what happened that they are coughing Lucy’s dust! They’d better figure it out quickly, next week two celebrities will be eliminated!

Celebrity Duets, September 21: Duet For Love! by Sting7 -- 09/22/2006 It’s David Foster night (sort of) on Celebrity Duets! The surly one’s songs are on display by some of our celebrities on a night when Marie promises to talk less! Will David get a word in edgewise or will Little Richard just babble a little longer? Meanwhile, the final five sing for a spot in next week’s finale! Who shines? Who stumbles? Read on! Wayne Brady welcomes us! Wayne tells us, surprisingly, that next week is the finale! That was fast! There will be two eliminated celebrities this week, and the other three will fight it out for the title just next week! Wow! Wayne then introduces us to the celebrity judges – Marie Osmond, Little Richard, and David Foster. Jai Rodriguez admits he was a bit disappointed in his critiques – after getting glowing reviews for so long, he was a bit floored by last week. He’s further floored to see his duet partner is. He’s got his work cut out for him! Jai Rodriguez with Patti LaBelle, “Lady Marmalade” Jai sings the opening lines of “Lady Marmalade,” and I actually at first think it’s Patti! Patti is actually crooning along offstage. Together, they wail, they rock, they roll, they save souls, and send a few more to hell. As duet partners go, Patti doesn’t give much, she goes where she goes, and you have to keep up. If you can. And, for the most part, Jai does! Marie says Jai “smoked it” and is oddly interrupted by David saying he doesn’t want to go last. David continues that he’s been judging Jai from his world when Jai is not in David’s world, and for Jai’s world, that was great. Okay, whatever, that was so worth the interruption! (??) Little Richard says Jai made him “scream like a white woman!” I doubt it’s the first time Little Richard has done that. Wayne is in the audience with Carly, who gives a polite and gracious hello and says she’s excited to be there cheering on her “peeps.” Lucy is shocked to be the highest vote-getter, but doesn’t let it go to her head. She’s focusing on her partner, one of music’s most successful songwriters. Hmm. Lucy Lawless with Richard Marx, “Right Here Waiting” Lucy starts off with stunning confidence! She takes “Right Here Waiting” off in places of her own, and it’s pretty good! Richard Marx arrives and, at first, actually seems a bit knocked off by the liberties the orchestration is taking with his smash hit. It’s almost like the song has been re-tailored for Lucy and he has to find his way through it. But he’s the pro, he can deal. Together, they are winning! Marie says she loved hearing Lucy start off and just “sing it.” She thinks Lucy has a Marilyn Monroe kind of quality to her voice, but thinks Lucy should relate just a bit more to her partner on stage. Little Richard proclaims the “beauty is still on duty and don’t you forget it!” He proclaims himself Judge Beauty and the rest I don’t know because I’m cackling. David says he loves the song and loved what she did with it. Hal is still smarting over David’s rock star comments last week. He says he does not think David knows rock, at least the type he likes. Hal spends some time in the rock clubs to reconnect with his inner rock god. Yeesh. Hal Sparks with Dee Snider, “We’re Not Gonna Take It” Hal starts off with is full-fledged rock growl and a guitar. Hal has the wireless mike, the pseudo-military jacket, he’s playing every rawk face ever seen in an ‘80s video, and looks like he’s having the time of his life! Dee hasn’t forgotten how. That’s for sure. Plenty of attitude, but he doesn’t sound… on key. This is going to be a matter of taste. Marie says Hal is having fun, but doesn’t think Hal was on-key. (See!) Too much screaming. Little Richard says the heavy metal is different than what he created, no one ever asked his permission to turn the stage. But he thinks Hal has “got what it takes and it takes what he got.” I think that was good. David agrees that there was too much screaming, but wants to take Hal in the studio and show Hal he’s a better singer than he showed on the series, and David wants to show Hal he can rock. Yes, this is becoming a pissing contest. Little Richard chimes in to Hal, “hold him to it!” I withdraw. Cheech recognizes he’s taken some shots, but is excited to have made it this far. He’s excited about who he’s singing with as well. He’s practicing some scatting. Uh-oh. Cheech Marin with Al Jarreau, “Mornin’” Cheech starts off so out of key, Al feels compelled to sing in the same sour key to try to mask it. Of course, Al has the skill to slide out of it in a pretty sort of way. Cheech is stuck in that sour note. Has a frog gotten into the control booth? No, that’s just Cheech. Even Al is starting to bug me. This cannot end fast enough. Oh, my head. Why is Al singing like he just sucked helium? Stop it. Please. Marie says you have to understand jazz to appreciate Al Jarreau and passes her time to David. Little Richard says he didn’t know that Cheech could sing jazz, he was surprised, and he’s sure Cheech is too. David says Cheech didn’t do the song the way he wrote it (oh, nice self-plug!), but Cheech has balls. Little Richard feels the need to ask Cheech, “You know who wrote that song?” I’m sure after a week of rehearsing, that fact never came up, Richard. David saying he wrote it ten seconds earlier wasn’t a clue either. Shaddup! I was saving that one. Alfonso recalls his battles with David Foster. He too will be singing a David Foster written song, but he will not shirk from this, or any, challenge. He thinks it’s a risk that could put him in the finals or send him home. Alfonso Ribeiro with Chaka Khan, “Through the Fire” Alfonso handles the opening lyrics with no problem. You can hear the work he puts in with every performance. Oddly, Chaka’s voice is heavier than Alfonso’s, which makes for some interesting harmonizing. Alfonso more than holds his own with the fiery Chaka, who does some of her tightrope notes, which she only does when she’s feeling comfortable. Alfonso should feel flattered! He earned it. David says the song brought back memories of him recording with Chaka; as for Alfonso, he did really, really well. No complaints. Marie says he and Chaka looked like they’d been together for years and congratulates Alfonso on doing singing consistently well throughout the series. Little Richard… eh, white boy dance, black boy dance, sang better than I thought you could, if it don’t fit, don’t force it. Do with that what you will. Hey, there’s a special performance from Patti LaBelle! She’s singing “On My Own.” Don’t tell me we’ll get Michael McDonald too! No, Wayne Brady. No surprise Wayne can sing. Once again, Patti goes where she goes, keep up if you can. Good luck. Wayne is excellent. When you can keep from getting blown off the stage by Patti, you’ve done something! The finals are next week! Here’s how I would rank them: Alfonso Jai Lucy Hal Cheech Meaning Hal and Cheech will be the two eliminated. However, Hal did the only rocking on a night of adult-contemporary champagne glass clinkers from David Foster. That could, could, edge him past Lucy! How will this end up? Let’s find out together Friday night!!

Celebrity Duets, September 22: Duet Or Die! by Sting7 -- 09/23/2006 The final five gave it everything they had to make it to the finals, but there’s only room for three! Two singing celebrities will exit stage left! Tonight, unjudged performances, including one for the ages! Which two of these five celebrities will be eliminated? Prepare to be shocked. Wayne Brady welcomes us. He tells us the celebrities brought out their A-games for last night’s performances. We get a recap, which you can read about here. Time for another group number. Pat Benatar’s “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” is presented with many hits and more misses. Cheech is incoherent, Lucy misses cues and seems to have forgotten the words, Hal is back with his guitar and his eyeliner, and growls off-key yet again. At least they look like they are having a good time! Wayne reintroduces the judges, Marie Osmond, Little Richard, and David Foster. Wayne asks who they think is going to the finale. Marie and David think Alfonso, Jai, and Lucy. Sting7 agrees. Little Richard thinks Alfonso, Jai, and Hal. Alfonso is still soaring over singing with Chaka Khan. Chaka tries to keep him focused. Alfonso thinks they will be even better tonight. Chaka starts off by missing her cue and has some trouble catching up in “Ain’t Nobody.” Alfonso seems to have the same problem. He gets backs in stride quickly, but something is just a little off between them. Chaka is flat! Yeah, I said it. She’s just out of the pocket, a smidge off-key. Good thing this one ain’t being judged! Wayne says it was brave for Alfonso to sing David Foster’s song in front of David. Most professionals wouldn’t have the nerve to do that. Alfonso says it was a calculated risk. Either it was going to win it for him, or lose it. Wayne prompts him to toss a teeny bit of the Carlton Dance, and it’s just enough to make the audience squeal in delight. How is Alfonso rewarded? With the news that the results won’t be until the end of the show! Dammit, Wayne! Cheech has found comfort in jazz, “I don’t have to know exactly the note!” he explains. Al promises to put some funk on the situation. Cheech thinks America has been waiting for this. Al does accomplished scatting, in fact, I’m not sure if he’s actually saying anything! In fact, I’m almost positive Cheech isn’t saying anything. But when Cheech is scatting, he’s not bad! If that is an actual song, I don’t know what it was. But it is entertaining! Dee Snider had to do some adjusting. He was appalled to hear “We’re Not Gonna Take It” on a piano. But he had fun performing with Hal, and Hal was in metal heaven. Together, they take on another Twisted Sister crowd-pleaser, “I Wanna Rock.” Hal breaks out his guitar yet again, and is a bit more tuneful tonight. A bit. He clearly wants to rock, I just wish he wanted to sing. Sigh. The background singers are enjoying themselves, Ray-Bans and all! Wayne asks how important it was for Hal to sing rock before the finals. Hal says if they didn’t like him last week, they probably hated him this week! It was more important for him to be himself. Wayne calls the sentiment an After School Special. (Heh!) Wayne asks the judges how the finalists-to-be should prepare for the finale. Marie says presentation is as important as vocals. Little Richard, dubbing himself Judge Beauty again, says, “the grass may be greener on the other side, but its just as hard to cut.” David says they have to continue to work with the vocal coaches and push themselves harder than they have before, and just get ‘er done. Marie just wants to add – David interrupts, “Your mike’s not on, so don’t even bother” (except it is on, and she is bothering) – that the director rocks. Thanks for sharing. How do you feel about the key grips? Lucy shares some inside stories about Richard Marx’s songs with Richard Marx. She lies that Richard is her favorite duet partner (whispering an I love you to Kenny Loggins). Together, Lucy and Richard sing “Should Have Known Better.” Lucy shows some sparks of brilliance, but she seems to have trouble holding her keys. Richard has put on the vocal training wheels, because he has no idea where Lucy is going to go with her vocals. You know, she’s starting the grate on me. Lucy says she’s learned so much from all the Superstars, but Dionne’s advice to make it her own was most special to her. Jai was worried about keeping up with Patti, but Jai says Patti was very giving. Patti says her voice is feeling weak, and then blows up the room just by warming up. Jeez, that was weak? Jai is a huge fan, he just wants to make her proud. Jai starts off “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” in tune and gorgeous. Then comes Patti, and sets off the fireworks. Wow! It’s the performance of the season! We all know Patti can sing this song in a coma and give you chills, arms flapping and all, but Jai is spectacular! He has his own high notes, ad-libs like a pro, and actually makes Patti take a back seat to him for a stretch! That’s not easy! This is the same Patti who turned Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, and Shania Twain into backup singers on one award show. They just let her go. Jai grabbed her by ankles and hung on! If he was worried about standing beside her vocally, he should put those worries to rest. Forever. When Patti sings his name and asks him directly why can’t she fly over the rainbow, it’s like something changed. He answers her by singing his face off! Even Patti stops singing and gestures to the audience like, “look at this, will ya?” This may have won him the competition. Even though this one isn’t judged, it will resonate. Huge. Wayne says everyone had better be standing right now. I know I am! Just blown away. Jai looks pretty blown away himself! I don’t think he knew he had that in him! Wayne asks Jai how this compares last week when the judges were so rough on him. Jai says he’s always wanted to do something like this and he felt like Patti was helping him get over the rainbow. Wayne asks all the celebrities to come center stage, but he is still glowing after the performance, muttering, “that last note was amazing!” Last night, I predicted Hal and Cheech would be on the next flight home. Wayne calls Cheech, Hal, and Alfonso to the center. He tells Alfonso he is safe! Cheech… is going home. Hal goes to join Lucy and Jai in the hotseat. Cheech says it was the most fun he’s had in a long time, he feels like he already won. Now, Cheech’s funeral video. It’s down to Lucy, Hal, and Jai. All three look so nervous. Wayne asks the judges who is going home. Marie says she read in the paper with the new moon eclipse to expect the unexpected. David yells at her again for taking too long. (Why is he sitting next to Marie? Where is Richard? Did Jai’s note make him explode into a pile of sequins or what?) Marie finally says Hal. David says Jai. (That would be a tragedy!!) Sting7 says Hal. Wayne says it has been a great job, but this part sucks. He tells Hal he’s had a great run… and that run will continue next week! Hal is staying! Hal is stunned! Wayne says he is shocked that Jai and Lucy are standing there. Last week, Lucy was the top vote-getter, but Wayne adds that two weeks ago, Jai was the top vote-getter! Whoa. The person leaving tonight is… Jai? Oh my frigging god. Lucy can’t believe it either. She can’t stop hugging him. Jai’s funeral video. I can’t believe this happening. So, Jai and Cheech are leaving. Lucy, Hal, and Alfonso are in the finals. We get our Carlton Dance, but no Jai. Poor guy, he deserves to be there! Can anyone stop Alfonso now? Let’s find out when we crown the winner of Celebrity Duets next week!

Celebrity Duets, September 28: A Duet Double! by Sting7 -- 09/29/2006 Just three singers left. The title is on the line! Tonight, the survivors, Alfonso Ribeiro, Lucy Lawless, and Hal Sparks will sing with two different partners! Who is compared to screaming for cows? Who is the unanimous choice (I think) to win among the judges? Find out here First, we are treated by an utterly overwrought recap of the weeks leading to tonight. All we stuff we already know! Why, Fox, why? By the way, if you are wondering where Little Richard was during the elimination last week, the story is he dashed backstage to chat with Patti Labelle during the commercial break and missed his call (long-winded as he is, it should be no surprise)! It’s a live show, and no one was going to wait for him, so he had to watch Jai and Cheech get eliminated from backstage. And, man, he was furious! I hear he threw a world-caliber tantrum and threatened to quit. No one begged him to stay and his tune changed immediately. Wayne Brady welcomes us. He tells us that the celebrities will perform twice tonight. First, with a new superstar. The second with a celebrity they have brought back for an encore duet. Wayne reintroduces the judges; Marie Osmond, Little Richard, and David Foster. For Lucy Lawless, this has been a dream come true. More recaps of the prior weeks. But for tonight, Lucy decides she just has to let loose. Lucy Lawless with Bonnie Tyler, “Total Eclipse of the Heart” Lucy Lawless starts things off in fine fiddle. Her vocals seems to be in better control than they usually are. Then comes Bonnie sounding like she needs a lozenge like a starving man needs a steak! THAT is not an easy voice to duet with! And, Lucy doesn’t have the weapons to battle a throat that sounds like it swallowed a cup of razors! Marie says she critiques because she loves and says Lucy’s breathing technique is the problem. Little Richard says he thinks Lucy has improved, “you haven’t got there yet, but you’re better.” David likes the growl in Lucy’s voice. Alfonso is feeling some pressure about his duet partner this week. He knows the singer, but doesn’t know all his work. Alfonso says he’ll have to work extra hard this week. Alfonso Ribeiro with Jon Secada, “Angel” Alfonso kicks things off with some stunning long notes. It’s beautiful. Then comes Jon and together, they are fantastic. It’s some excellent, excellent singing. Wow. Wayne thanks Jon for being here. Marie says she liked the notes, but she wasn’t believing the words. Alfonso decides to show her the meaning with a hug and some flirting. Little Richard says he felt the song in his toes, and his neck, and his fingers. “He is the thing.” David says Alfonso totally belongs in his world, they way he sang tonight. Hal is still surprised that he survived (and Jai didn’t). He says he wants the audience to decide, he doesn’t really care what the judges think. Hal Sparks, with Sebastian Bach, “18 and Life” Hal starts off with some world-class stinker notes. Sebastian comes out and tries to clean things up, but he’s only one man. Hal is singing like he has a grudge against his own throat! This, my friends, is bad! Sebastian can’t get away from Hal fast enough. Hal looks resigned to be pulverized. Marie says Hal will be a great arena performer and high five. (Really? Come on, Richard, tell him he sucked…) Little Richard says his grandmother didn’t scream that loud calling the cows. Hal mutters some of them came during his performance. Heh! Little Richard continues that the perfomance was more screaming than he’s heard in a long time. For the screaming, he gives Hal an A. David says Hal sang the melody with a real voice, and he wishes he would use it more. (Are they serious? They are like three Paulas!) Lucy says she has begun to own her voice. She is excited to bring back her legend to show him how much she’s learned. Hmmm… Lucy Lawless with Smokey Robinson, “Fly Me to the Moon” Smokey leads off with the melting butter smooth voice of his. Lucy joins him, and she is definitely more confident than their first pairing. Their voices meld very well! It isn’t so crazy to suggest they record together! They are as steamy as their first time together! Wayne calls them the Prom King and Prom Queen. Marie says Lucy has had the most diverse material, and she “smoked it” tonight. Little Richard says he was worried about the song choice, but things she did a good job. David says Lucy has done well with every genre she has been given. Alfonso says he’s excited to bring his favorite legend back. It’s a great artist and a great song, he’s thrilled. Alfonso Ribeiro, with Gladys Knight, “Save the Overtime for Me” Alfonso sings this song like he wrote it. Gladys only needs to slide in for her part like she was sliding into a pair of slippers. She and Alfonso have a natural chemistry, and yes, Alfonso does the Carlton dance! Gladys looks delighted she didn’t draw Cheech! Marie says Alfonso has chosen smart and thinks Alfonso should win. Little Richard says Alfonso reminded him of the Pips, and thinks Alfonso has won. David says Alfonso really nailed it tonight, and if he could vote, he would vote for Alfonso! It’s unanimous! Count my vote in there too. Alfonso should definitely win this thing! Hal said he chose his legend to return because it was the first time he got to sing in his genre. Hal thinks he definitely has to preserve his voice this week. Hal Sparks with Dennis DeYoung, “Lady” Dennis starts off the singing, singing directly to his wife of 36 years, Suzanne, who looks like she could use a lot less of that white hot spotlight on her. Hal sings his opening verses to his girlfriend, Samantha Humphries, who likes rather bemused. I bet she’ll be glad when this over. Hal continues to be slightly off key, but Dennis is savvy enough to find a way to harmonize with it, and the sonic result is still pretty good, thanks to him. Marie says the two of them sang well together. Little Richard says Hal sounded unbelievable, and thinks he should be “the one.” (What?) David says he’s begun to like Hal, and thinks he sang like he deserved to be there in the top three tonight. (I wouldn’t go that far! This must be one of those times when things sound different in the studio than on television!) I don’t see any way Alfonso can lose this thing. Hal’s rock edge managed to edge him past Jai Rodriguez (who got Tamyra’d), but he didn’t execute like last week. Lucy is charming, and gorgeous, that will get her second, but I think this will be about singing, and thus, Alfonso will be the winner. Am I right? Let’s find out Friday at the finale!

Celebrity Duets, September 29: Duet to the Finish! by Sting7 -- 09/29/2006 The last three celebrities made their final pitches to be crowned the first champion of Celebrity Duets. Now, America’s decision will be known! Just how far can they stretch this hour? Alfonso Ribeiro was the unanimous choice to win among the judges before they all started to waffle. What did America decide? We start with yet another recap of the season. Mostly using the same clips as last night! Streeeeetch. Wayne Brady welcomes us. He reminds us that tonight, we crown a champion! He introduces the remaining three, Alfonso Ribeiro, Lucy Lawless, and Hal Sparks. They will all be singing solo tonight! Two of music’s biggest stars will perform a duet, and a performance from Boyz II Men is on tap. But first, all of the eight celebrities of the season are performing a medley of ‘50s hits. It’s a great mess. Chris Jericho and Carly Patterson haven’t improved one iota. In the midst of all this, Little Richard unfurls “Good Golly, Miss Molly.” Back in the day, this was considered dangerous music. Little Richard has always been a bit coy about the meaning of “sure likes to ball.” Did he mean dancing or… uh, balling? I think I know the answer. Wayne introduces our sitting judges – Marie Osmond, Little Richard, and David Foster. Wayne wants to know the answer to why some of the judges chose who they chose as the winner. Marie says she chose Alfonso because he’s been so consistent. But Lucy “earned her place at the table,” and Marie thinks Hal blew the roof off the place last night, so now, she doesn’t know. Little Richard says he would like to see Alfonso win, but thinks America will vote for rock and roll and Hal. David agrees he would like to see Alfonso win, but thinks he’ll spice things up and predict Lucy. Hal tells us he learned something from all of his dueting partners, though he made a conscious decision to sing and perform in his own way. He wants to “Hal” and makes no apologies for it. He’s surprised at how close all the celebrities became and acknowledges that he got a chance to duet with folks established performers never will, and he’ll always take that with him. Then Hal manages to pull the surprise performance of the season with an excellent rendition of Hoobastank’s “Running Away.” He’s on pitch 95% of the time, but he really delivers with his performance. He looks like a pro! He hasn’t been this good all season long! If he had, he may have won this thing! But I don’t think he will. Wayne asks if Hal is nervous. Hal says he is nervous and excited; if he wins he wins, but if he loses, he joins a great group of people. Some shout-outs and thank yous. We get a fun montage of Little Richard impersonations from everyone, and a fun bit of Wayne translating Little Richard’s comments. He tries, anyway. Wayne tells us Little Richard has to leave us early tonight. (What could be more important than this??) Appropriately enough, Gladys Knight and Smokey Robinson treat us to a duet of “Ain’t Nothin’ Like the Real Thing.” Wayne calls them music royalty and they perform like it. While time is beginning to fray the edges of Smokey’s brandy-smooth voice, Gladys sounds exactly like she did 35 years ago. Exactly. And she doesn’t look much older, to boot! They are wonderful. Lucy tells us she has never had so much fun as she has with this show. She’s got a chance to sing with some of the greatest voice of the last 50 years. She feels she has grown as a singer and will be forever grateful for the lessons she’s learned. And to demonstrate those lessons learned, Lucy is stupendous in her rendition of Janis Joplin’s “Tell Mama.” She sings in a rasp that suggests she may have borrowed a cup of razors from Bonnie Tyler, but it’s a perfect marriage of song and voice. Joined by Ikette-like dancers, Lucy is vamping like a champ. Excellent performance. Lucy thanks her faithful fans for supporting her and her new ones for voting for her. Her husband in the audience looks like he can’t wait to tell Mama about it! Marie introduces Boyz II Men, with Wayne Brady sitting in for the deep-toned Michael McCary. Wayne handles the lead for “I’ll Make Love to You” and graciously sits in the background for “End of the Road,” which Boyz proceed to ignite like a roman candle. There is some texture depth missing without McCary, but it is a nice job nonetheless. Alfonso says the experience has been amazing. He just wanted the opportunity to sing with the legends, but he’s made friends along the way as well. He has always dreamed of being a recording artist and wonders if this show will give him the opportunity. Alfonso performs “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me” like a seasoned, grizzled veteran. Alfonso shows he really is the class of the field, delivering passion and a crystal-clear singing voice that is still something of a surprise. He’s come a long way from those Michael Jackson impersonation commercials for Coke! All eight celebrities are set for a David Foster medley, with David on piano. Kicking it off on Chicago’s “Hard to Say I’m Sorry” are Alfonso, Lucy, Hal, and Jai Rodriguez. Hal sings his apologies while draped over the piano, disturbingly like Michelle Pfeiffer in The Fabulous Baker Boys. Suddenly, out comes Marie, changing lyrics to jab at David in good-natured fashion. Then for Cheryl Lynn’s “To Be Real” Chris Jericho, Carly Patterson, Lea Thompson, and Cheech Marin join in the fray. Of them, Lea sounds very good tonight! The others… well, that’s why they aren’t in the finals. Good times. Wayne shoos the five eliminated celebrities away because it’s time for business. Wayne tells them he had a ball with them on the show. But someone is about to be eliminated: Lucy – is safe! Alfonso and Hal are left. One is about to be eliminated. It is… Hal Sparks. Lucy or Alfonso will be the champion of Celebrity Duets. Wayne lists the singers both have sung with this season and both lists are impressive. Lucy and Alfonso try to remain composed, but are visibly nervous wrecks. This is a very Idol-esque moment! Wayne says America has voted and reminds them that at the beginning of the season, Jai Rodriguez was the highest vote-getter. Two weeks ago, Lucy was number one. Last week, it was Alfonso. The winner of Celebrity Duets is… Alfonso! Lucy gives him a hug as Alfonso shakes his head. Wayne thanks everyone shy of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir as the confetti falls. The other celebrities and singing superstars take the stage to frolic in the confetti. Wayne puts Alfonso back to work as the band starts to crank out “Stay With Me Tonight.” Alfonso whimpers that he’s going to need lyrics! Heh! Alfonso sings us out of a pretty fun season. The show has presented some great, diverse superstar talent, despite those who bailed at the last minute (Macy Gray, Cyndi Lauper – were you wondering why we saw Gladys Knight twice this season? That is why. She is just class personified!). I hope Celebrity Duets returns, but the ratings declined as the weeks went on, so that return is very much in question. Congrats to Alfonso for taking the show seriously and delivering well enough to give the show some credibility, despite Cheech and Little Richard.