Battling Ice Queens...Continued
BATTLING ICE QUEENS: CHAPTER SIX, "Cafe au Conspiracy" SO...Madame Kitri is eyeing Tif, who smaking her gum contentedly, is being measured by Diamondsmiles for her new skating attire. Coach Rufus is downing her Baileys like the day before Prohibition and Jillibean is working over Tif's hair like a starving fat-man working over a plate of spaghetti-marinara. A bit down the rink, Coach Tara is pulling Pepette up off her pert derriere again while glaring at QBone on his zamboni, who managed to chase Pepette to the edge of the ice again while chuckling evily and waggling his eyebrows. Coach Tara is glaring at QBone, but mentally she's already undressed, nailed, nailed again, completely used up, and dumped him like last week's leftover sushi, in her mind. Pepette is thinking, "God is this ice cold on my tushie!" At the Icy U Cafe, the concession area/coffee bar at the end of the rink, Slim Smurfy is crying to barrista Shmoo, in her cute p!nk barrista-snowbunny outift, who is nodding sympathetically even though she has heard it ALL before. Feet, feet, feet, no one understands, feet, feet, feet, humilitation, feet, feet, feet. Shmoo sighs and pours herself a double espresso. Sitting at one of the tables, nursing a cup of cocoa, is a man in a tan trenchcoat and a snap-brim fedora. His cell phone rings, the tones of "U Can't Touch This," jerking him out of his daydream which had starred that cute waitress up at the counter, who may have canoes for shoes, but also a caboose to kill for. He digs his phone out, flips it opens and answers, "Hammertime!" "Brad...you are still just an idiot. Would you stop with the MC Hammer routine? It's stopped being funny months ago and now its just uber-pissing me off," growls an irritated Sas. "Listen have you found the skater yet?" "Ummmm....Sas? Which skater am I supposed to hit, again?" "Imbecile! Listen. Just hit the skater in the red hat. Do you got that? The skater in the red hat. Then get out the side door of the rink just as planned and Jeremy will pick you up in the truck. Don't mess this up or you're going to be taking the long walk home!" "Right," gulps Justbrad. He collapses the phone and looks out at the rink. In one group, he sees Tif in a red hat with Coach Rufus, Jillibean, Madame Kitri, and Diamondsmiles surrounding her and nearby Coach Tara sending Pepette, in her red beret back out on the ice now that QBone is polishing the other end of the rink with gusto. "Oh crud! Sas is going to go freaking nuts! Now what do I do?!?" TO BE CONTINUED..........

I can picture Brad answering his cell phone with "Hammertime!". :lol: :lol: :lol:

Bravo, NdP, Bravo!!!

MORE! LETS GO PLUMEY!

Battling Ice Queens, Chapter 7. Qbone finishes polishing up the rink and drives his Zamboni off the ice and into the maintence area. He hops down and lights up a smoke. Ah! Nothing after a good polish like an unfiltered Kool to mellow you out, he thinks. Then stubbing it out, he gets a can of polish from the workbench and starts polishing the Zamboni. "Wax on. Wax off, " he mumbles under his breath. He chuckles to himself. Madame Kitri is still giving Tif a few pointers. "Joimp up and down a bit, Toots! Oh Gawd, da male judges are goin' ta just pop if you jiggles yoiar boom-bas at dem like dat! Dat's da ticket for you, Tif. Lots of joimps! And wiggle that caboose! Don't worry about da female judges, so much. Capish? Now let me run to da little goils room and we'll take a look at your skatin'." And Madame Kitri brandishes her cane and heads for the ladies room. Diamondsmiles finishes her measurements and says, "Listen ,Coach Rufus. I need to run out to my car for some more pins and material. I've got an idea with red leather. Ooooo...it'll give you shivers! Be right back." And Diamondsmiles heads for the parking lot. Jillibean is frowning. "Honey," she says to Tif, "This is gonna take more than a portable miracle. We need to get you into the shop for a proper working over. But that's the best we can do for now. But keep that red hat on until then to minimize that horrendus tangle on top. Okay?" Turning to Coach Rufus she whispers, "This is gonna cost you! Bring her in as soon as possible. The only thing that can work with that hair is a full salon workup or a faith-healer!" And so Jillibean packs up her gear and heads out. Coach Tara and Pepette are discussing her technique nearby. "Pepette, you have to jump higher on the turns. And smile at the judges whenever you see them. Nothing says 'You must love me!' like a smile. Now, lets go through the 'battement tendu' exercises. And stop making cow eyes at the maintenance area! Keep your mind on your feet for once. Ready? Un! Deux! Trois! Un! Deux! Trois! Un! Deux! Trois!" Tara claps her hands as Pepette begins the important footwork exercise. Meanwhile back at the concession area........ Justbrad finally makes up his mind. Slowly he walks to the counter of the Icy U Cafe and slips a business card in front of Slim Smufy. It reads, "Just For You. Just For Me. Just Do It. Call Justbrad to Just Get 'R Done. 555-JUST." "Call me sometime, sweetcheeks. We could get together and listen to a little 80s music. And just whatever. I could make you just scream." He winks at her, winks again at Shmoo and in a swirl of tan trenchcoatedness strides away toward the rink humming.."da da da dum, da dum da da dum...Can't touch this!" Slim Smurfy dries her eyes, smiles tentatively and wonders if this guy might be the Mr. Right or if he is just another dork. Shmoo reads the card on the counter, rolls her eyes, and checks the clock wondering if quitting time will ever come so she can get out of the stupid p!nk snowbunny/barrista outfit and out to hockey practice. She really needed to hit something with a stick. Coincidentally.... Justbrad arrives at the edge of the ice reaches under his trenchcoat and stealthally pulls out a police nightstick. He walks straight up to his chosen target and swings............................................. SMASH! WHACK! SNAP! All heads in the arena whirl as two voices scream.... "OH MY GOD! MY LEG! MY LEG!" screams Tif! "OH MY @#%$@^%@ GOD! MY BAILEY'S! MY BAILEY'S!" screams Rufus! The scene is one that is rarely seen in ice rinks (although maybe not so uncommon on the streets of New York). Tif lays at the edge of the ice holding her leg and sobbing, "It hurts. It hurts." Rufus keels beside her craddling. her broken drink and weeping, "What a loss! The horror! The spilled liquid horror!" Strangely while people begin to converge on the wailing women, no one really pays attention to the trenchcoated, hatted figure who slips out the side door of the rink, humming to himself, "da da da dum, da dum da da dum...U can't touch this!" TO BE CONTINUED.......................

Owwwww, poor Tif, one would hope there is a competent hospital nearby to fix her up, are they in Funkytown?? I knew those dang red hats where gonna get her in trouble one day!

Oh I just know Im gonna get blamed for this :? :shock:

Great, I was hit on by a stuck in the 80's, bad dressing, batton weilding, no-good thug. :roll:

:shock: :shock: :shock: OMG poor Tif

I'm thinking poor Brad when Tif finds out who did that to her. :twisted: