Battling Ice Queens: The Beginning
Been working on my screenplays (check some of them out at http://www.byjimlarsen.com/index.htm ) and thought you would like to see how I come up with some of these ideas. Like (A) Battling ice queens. This is a retelling of the Nancy-Tonya story but this time with bitchiness and guys. First I wrote it as if Tif were Nancy and Pepette were Tonya, then reversed it because I couldn't picture Pepette with tattoos. This also allowed Tonya's vulnerable, girly side to come out. Chapter One both chicks aren't speaking to each other, as they glide around each other on the ice because both of them have the hots for QBone. As their blades grow increasingly menacing to each other, their coaches look on with concern. Ain't nobody can top my Nancy's style and grace\" said Coach Tara. \"I'm learning her all my ballet pas de stuff.\" \"Style can't beat substance and Tonya's got the triple axel down to an art form\" said Coach Rufus. \"I'm teaching Tonya all my Canadian tricks like\" TO BE CONTINUED IN NEXT CHAPTER (B) Desperate House Husbands. Not too far into this one but I see this neighborhood of guys, with their wives conveniently absent, just like here. These guys Jayusmagnus, StillBrad,, Matt, QBone and Hak are in their different houses, not doing clean-up, just loafing around, drinking lemonade and cokes (except for Matt who is an alcoholic). Young Phil, a clean-scrubbed college boy, is going door to door trying to get a job cutting grass but, so far, no takers. He's at Jaymag's house, making his pitch when this motorcycle babe, Pika, roars her Harley up to his door, leaving Phil in a cloud of smoke. Jaymag notices her tight, sequined red tanktop, all glittery and all (as does StillBrad, the neighborhood peeping tom who is leering from next door). Pika purrs \"hey dude, need your lawn mowed by a pro\" Jaymag's tongue hanging out, shoves Phil aside \"get away kid, you bother me. Sure do, Miss. Just name your price. I'm sure it'll be fair\" Okay that's the only two I've come up with so far. Are they sellable? Would you watch them if they were on TV?

... (except for Matt who is an alcoholic). ... Would I watch? You could put them on pay-per-view and I'd pay to watch! :lol:

I'd pay to watch it, too, and I'd be first in line to buy it when it comes out on dvd! :lol:

James, you put me in the mood to write a chapter of a Reality Island novel like the RTVP group-authored novels.

The Qiouonna tribe of central Uganda has no word for "death." When a tribe member dies, they are considered to have entered the "hrtributein" or "moldy" stage of their life. I can't stop laughing! I'm choking here. Make it stop!!

Sound like potential blockbusters to me. Do another chapter of Battling Ice Queens. I want to find out what nasty Rufus has her protege do to me. Coach Tara..get the lawyer on the line! Oh and I betcha Young Phil blabs.

Battling ice queens, chapter 2: Coach Tara snorted "Canadian tricks like what? You got nuthin and you know it. Now if you want to enter that tattooed, man stealing Jezebel of yours in your minor hockey league in Illinois somewhere, you might have a hope of a snowball in hell." "Nope, Shmoo's my hockey girl. Tif's going all the way to Phoenix Finals. Tif, not Pepette, is the only skater alive today who can go toe to toe on the ice with Le Belle. Where is that hot chocolate girl? She'd better not forget my Baileys chaser this time either." said Coach Rufus. Just then, a Zamboni horn honks and QBone drives onto the ice full speed ahead as Pepette and Tif scramble to get out of his way. The two women stumble over Slim Smurfy's feet, causing her to almost drop her tray of hot chocolates as they come up to their coaches. QBone smiles "I like to keep my women on their feet and on the move." "See Pepette, you need to stay away from that man. You need to focus on your career, not QBone" said Coach Tara. "I don't think your skating song for your new routine is working out. "Radar Love" just isn't you." "Oops I did it again" oughta be your song, Pepette" joked Tif, "as much as you fall down. Speaking of falling down, that Slim Smurfy's got some big feet. What are they, 12 D's? Hey, that's clown's feet!" TO BE CONTINUED ...... "The Tears Of A Clown"

Is Coach Tara a lesbian? Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just don't want to be a lesbian. Thanks. :wink:

I just stumbled in here and read all this. Hilarious!

Cool I found a picture of Tif and I in the recent Ice show....Penguins On Ice. Im the one standing still greeting Tif with a pat on the back for a great performance...... And she calls me a klutz..HA! :wink: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Hee hee hee hee! I love that pic!

LOL that's funny James, this is great....yep I'd watch them both.